We’ve all been there. We ask our children to put on their shoes or pick up a toy. We ask again, and again … and again … until one of us gets frustrated enough to do the task we’re requesting.
You may have younger toddlers with selective or distracted listening skills. You may also have older children who think listening to their parents is uncool or annoying. Regardless, listening skills are important for everyone!
We want a spouse who hears our needs and contributes around the home. We want kids who are part of our family and participate in the tasks that help manage the household. Listening to each other is important not just to keep the home and family running smoothly, but because listening can be a sign of respect.
Why are listening skills important for kids?
Listening skills don’t just happen in childhood then become forgotten well into adulthood. Listening skills are developed and practiced starting from childhood. Listening skills help our children become better participants in the world around them, better students in school and better communicators overall.
By listening to adults and those around them, younger children can take in and interpret language and develop their comprehension skills. They can hear about a task and then complete the task as it was asked of them.
Listening doesn’t just mean that you’ve heard someone else talk or make a noise either. Listening is an active quality. It means that we’ve taken in the information shared with us and fully absorbed it. Listening to someone else means that we can respond and give feedback on what they’re saying. It means we are capable of following instructions asked of us, engaging in a conversation or sharing something about ourselves.
All this is an important part of being a person! This is something children should know as they grow. It allows them to participate in conversations both at home and in the classroom—the two most important places they likely spend most of their time. Eventually, children will carry these skills into the workplace and into adult interactions. Children who are good listeners grow up to become good communicators.
Why do some kids have poor listening skills?
Poor listening skills can be due to low concentration, negativity or other behavioral circumstances. Sometimes children have trouble listening because of circumstantial factors such as accent, tone or the length of the conversation. However, poor listening skills can also have underlying developmental or medical causes, such as an auditory processing disorder.
If you’re concerned about your child’s ability to listen, speak with your doctor, who may request a hearing test or further evaluation to get to the root cause of your child’s struggles to listen.
What can parents do to help improve listening skills?
As the saying goes, practice makes perfect. But what about practice makes progress?
As parents, we can get ahead of our children’s developmental skills. We can notice needs and enforce habits around our homes so that others outside our homes can continue building on the communications groundwork we’ve laid.
By enforcing listening skills within the walls of our homes, we lay the groundwork for effective listening skills throughout our kids’ lives. We can play games and have our younger children practice these skills with older siblings. After all, one of the most effective ways to improve listening skills is to model good listening skills.
Model good listening skills
It’s probably been a while since you’ve been in a preschool or kindergarten classroom. But when a teacher or adult in a classroom full of younger children wants to get students’ attention, the teacher typically presents some sort of call and response.
“Class, class?” the teacher asks firmly. “Yes, yes!” the students usually respond.
By doing this, the teacher has modeled a format of question and response. She asks for their attention. The students respond to show she has their attention. And then the subsequent expectation is that the students will now listen to what she has to say afterward. Modeling listening skills happens daily in classrooms in many formats. It can also be modeled in our homes. Even if you don’t have a catchy call and response for your children!
Speak less
We’ve all done it—it’s easy to speak for our children. As adults, we’re used to moving quickly. We’re able to accomplish tasks and answer questions with ease. However, children’s brains aren’t as developed as ours are, and they tend to process more slowly.
Make sure you’re not always talking or answering questions for your child. Wait for a longer response time than you may think you need. Ask, then wait. If your child struggles to respond, of course you may help. But sometimes a child just needs a longer time than we expect to think something through.
Allow the child to lead the conversation
Get to know the children. Figure out what they like, their interests and their personalities. By doing this, we can allow children to take the lead in the conversation. This helps children feel a sense of responsibility and expectation, which, in turn, improves listening skills. Be sure to demonstrate through your words and body language that the children are an active participant in the conversation. They will then be more likely to demonstrate the ability to follow verbal cues and communicate effectively.
Teach active listening
As any skill, active listening must be taught—even if we adults don’t often think about it! Focus on your and your child’s body language, asking follow-up questions and limiting interruptions.
Of course, these practices may not always be in play in our day-to-day lives. However, if you feel your child is struggling with listening skills, you may want to go back and consider these points. Take a step back. Ask follow-up questions. Allow kids time to answer. Model active listening.
Some things you can do at home to help your child’s listening skills develop might include:
- Take a five senses nature walk.
- Ask questions after reading a story.
- Read and follow a recipe.
- Identify sounds inside or outside the home.
- Play listening games.
Listening games that help with development
- Red Light Green Light
- Simon Says
- Mother May I?
- Telephone
- Musical Chairs
A former teacher turned writer, Kailyn Rhinehart writes from Warrensburg, Missouri, where she lives with her husband and two kids.