Life seems to get busier and busier as time goes on, doesn’t it? The frenetic pace society embraces is hard to fight against sometimes, but carving out time for the important relationships in your life, namely the one with your kids, is crucial. For our kids to grow and flourish in their emotional well-being, they need to develop strong bonds, feel loved and needed, as well as valued for the individuals they are. A simple but effective way to help accomplish this is by spending one-on-one time with your child. You may be thinking, “Simple? Yeah, right! Have you seen our schedule?!” And while I haven’t, I am here to share some ideas that can work with just about anybody’s crazy schedule!
Be intentional
Make family time a priority. If you don’t, something else is always going to get in the way. Think about scheduling it physically into your calendar and treat it with the same importance you would a meeting at work. Consider a shared family calendar, too, where each person’s commitments can be added and free slots can easily be identified for potentially having a “date” with one of your children.
Be present
Man, this one can be so challenging sometimes, right? We are connected to our phones 24/7 it seems, and our brains are always thinking of the next thing, the next to-do that can be checked off the list. However, continuing to check your device, watch TV or think about other things signals to the other person that your time together isn’t valuable or other things are more important. Unplug for a bit from the texts, emails and the thoughts circling in your head and just be with your kiddo for a time. “We have two boys and a girl, all of which have very different hobbies and interests,” shares Kathleen Russell, Overland Park mom of three. “We try to take each of our kids on a ‘date’ to have time with just them, where we can talk and hang out without phones or distractions.”
Use drive time
Alli Gordon, Olathe mom of two, shares how time in the car can be valuable as a “date” opportunity too … and let’s face it, we are all in the car a lot these days running taxi service! “When I’m in charge of taking my oldest to practice and it is just the two of us, I make sure we get a special treat or grab lunch or dinner,” Gordon says. “I ask him about his latest favorite songs and play them. It’s small but very intentional and truly some of my favorite times together because we just don’t get a lot of that these days.”
Involve them
Find small ways to involve children in what you are doing. Invite them to help you prepare and cook dinner, clean with you, wash the car or go on a walk with you and the dog. Last fall, I needed to redo some caulking around one of our bathtubs, and I asked my 12-year-old if he wanted to help. It was simple, didn’t cost more than a tube of caulk, and we enjoyed spending time together. He videoed me replacing the caulking (for the YouTube channel we don’t have!), and we laughed and learned with each other along the way. I hope that will be a date he will remember for a while!
Keep it simple
Oftentimes, parents make the mistake of thinking dates or one-on-one time has to be big, extravagant or consume hours of time. Emily Dischinger, Louisburg mom of two, says, “Creating dates with our girls has changed over the years. As they have gotten older and schedules have gotten busier, the dates may be as simple as staying up a little late with Dad and watching a Marvel movie or running to Costco or Starbucks with Mom. Sometimes the simpler the date, the greater the experience!” This couldn’t be more true! You don’t have to spend loads of money or time for a one-on-one experience to be just what the two of you need. Russell agrees: “While date time could be a special trip or going out for breakfast, it could be as simple as getting an Icee while shopping at Sam’s Club together.”
Share a hobby
Gordon shares another idea that works for their family. “My son and I both love to read. Sometimes after the younger one goes to bed, I’ll snag him and say, ‘Let’s read.’ We don't read the same book, but we sit on my bed side by side and read together, and then tell each other what’s happening in our books as we wrap up our time,” she says. Danielle Jodts, Overland Park mom of three, says, “My sons especially share during dates that involve activity (eye contact optional!), so as a non-sporty mom, I try to find ways to involve sports with my third grader. Recently, my 14-year-old and I tried the Fowling Warehouse (think bowling with a football)—so fun for teens!”
Bring bedtime to bear
We have four kids, and sometimes bedtime is the only one-on-one time we get with the kids in a rather busy week. And while I felt really guilty about this for a while, I have let that go—and you should too! Over the years, bedtime has evolved into being some of the best one-on-one times I have with our kids. They are oftentimes willing to chat and share things they wouldn’t ordinarily share in the light of day. Having this time before bed is a special way to connect and unwind together.
Spending one-on-one time with your kids is going to take intentionality and creativity on your part—and willingness to have an open mind about situations you can possibly turn into a “date.” Even though it is cliche, quality is definitely more important than quantity when it comes to the time together. Our kids need and want us to spend time with them—even if they don’t act like it!
Julie Collett is an Overland Park mom of four. She tries to find simple ways to have one-on-one time with her kids at home—playing a game, reading, making a craft together or her favorite—lying and talking together at bedtime!