Most parents want to see their kids get involved in some extracurricular activities; scouts, dance lessons, music lessons, sports—the list is endless. But, could your child be involved so much that extracurricular activities are monopolizing his or her time? How much time is left for schoolwork? How much time is left for family? Where is the line between taking advantage of these opportunities and being over-scheduled? The signs of over-scheduling may be subtle. Your youngster may appear anxious or agitated, overwhelmed or on-edge. They may have trouble concentrating or staying awake in school.
Some parents contribute to this problem. In an effort to keep their adolescents occupied with productive activities or offer their kids opportunities that weren’t available when they were kids, some parents go overboard. The result can be too much pressure and not enough time alone. Young people need some “down time” in order to discover they can be comfortable with solitude and with themselves. When they know how to live without being constantly entertained or rushing from one activity to the next, they develop self-confidence and learn how to tolerate unfilled time. TIME is so important to life; families need it to interact, to converse and communicate, to work and play together. If this time is not available because your child is too busy, then perhaps your child’s daily activity list needs some revision. If your adolescent is doing well in school and you have decided to limit the extra-curricular activities, it is essential to explain that your actions are not in any way a form of punishment. Be open with your child and explain your concerns that you think more time is needed for family stimulation and “down-time” for stress reduction. This is a form of “love.” If, on the other hand, your child is doing poorly in school, limiting activities is a “must.”
Here are some suggestions to keep your family from becoming overscheduled:
- Limit each child to one or two outside activities. If you have a big family even this may be difficult. Activities should be balanced with breaks and free time. Kids shouldn’t move from school to sports to homework without a pause.
- If your preteen wants to add an activity they may consider giving up the current activity in exchange for the new one.
- Do not say “yes” to any new activity until you have weighed the costs—financial, emotional, and loss of family time.
- Set family nights on your calendar. Order a pizza and play board games. It’s a important habit to eat dinner together as a family. No one can schedule anything on “family night.”
- Schedule goof-off time for your family and let adolescents have time for them to explore new magazines, listen to music, or engage in a fun hobby.
- Take time as a family to enjoy nature. What are we missing by not spending time in a park, beach, hiking or a leisurely bike ride?
As parents we are modeling for our kids how to handle stress and how to balance our time. What lessons are we teaching our young adults? Parents need to learn how to juggle their appointment books as well. Make the time to slow down and enjoy the gift of family unity—it’s the greatest gift of all!
Tania Cowling is an author, former teacher, and mother.