Love & Logic
The Right Choice for your Family?
Ever overhear parents boasting of Love and Logic and wonder, “What is that?” Well, today is your lucky day! Love and Logic is a parenting behavior philosophy created in 1977 by Dr. Foster W. Cline and Jim Fay. Their method is still as popular today and is internationally respected.
Shawnee Mission School District’s Parents as Teachers program teaches Love and Logic to parents already enrolled in their program. Kim Schultz and Kathie Tope, who train parents of young children, demonstrate why parents need this education and how it can change family dynamics.
Q: What are the basic principles?
Kim:
- That there are natural consequences for behavior-- both good and not so good. When parents start this with younger children, poor choices are not as costly as they are for teens just learning. For instance, if an 18-month-old child throws food on the floor, he needs to wait until the next meal to eat again. But if instead of calling home, a teenager gets in a car with a driver who has been drinking, the price of that consequence is much greater.
- You also give up a certain amount of control to meet your parental goals. If you want your toddler to get dressed, but she would prefer to stay in jammies, you can pick out two shirts and let her choose which shirt to wear. The parent controls which shirts are appropriate, but the toddler chooses which shirt she puts on.
Kathie:
- Lastly, provide empathy before delivering consequences. Don’t react to child’s misbehavior with anger because the child focuses on your anger. By responding empathetically with the same short response, e.g., “How sad” or “Uh oh”, then administering a logical consequence, you help your child focus on the consequence of the behavior.
Q: Does Love and Logic build a child’s self-confidence?
Kathie:
- Children will learn we all make bad choices and have to suffer the consequences, but we all get the opportunity to make different choices in the future. Hopefully, the child learns the benefits of making good choices and becomes confident in his ability to choose.
Q: When should a parent begin using Love and Logic on a child?
Kim:
- You start when both parents have determined this is the method of parenting they will use. Consistency is crucial to success. And the earlier parents start, the more comfortable they will become with Love and Logic. It will become part of who they are as parents and not just a theory.
Stacey Hatton is an Overland Park mom of two perfectly behaved children. She’s also a pediatric nurse and freelance writer.