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Signs Your Child Is Over Scheduled

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Parents often spend their nights and weekends at one event or another and driving all over town to drop the kids off at this practice or that lesson, leaving them feeling drained, annoyed and tired. When that happens, chances are that the child is likely experiencing the same exhaustion and lack of enthusiasm, causing once-favorite activities to lose their luster. And those extra tantrums and bad attitudes they are handing out may be a big red flag.

Signs of an Over Scheduled Child

Jennifer Lympus, licensed clinical social worker in both Missouri and Kansas, says, “If your child begins to withdraw from an activity they are currently participating in or starts to isolate themselves, lose motivation, show signs of exhaustion, increased irritability, mood swings, anxiety, tantrums, or struggling grades, they may be over scheduled.” She also notes that parents, too, may feel burned out from their child’s hectic schedule and lose a sense of their own lives, which may cause decreased parental support.

“My kids all show signs of being over scheduled differently,” Margo Hurst, Kansas City mother of four, says. “My youngest son, 7, just stops doing the activity. My 12-year-old girl begins to have meltdowns. My 13-year-old son starts to get sick, and my oldest daughter, 16, is the typical overachiever and just works herself until she has nothing left and then still keeps going. Because I know what to look for in each of them from previous trial and error, I am able to intervene and reduce their schedules to add in more down time.”

When your child starts to display his own personal red flag, Lympus says it’s a good time to collaborate with him on deciding what to keep and what to ditch. In the process, explore your child’s current strengths and interests. “Through these conversations, modeling good time management skills and organization in day-to-day activities, parents are well on their way to helping their child build a healthy schedule,” says Lympus.

Teaching their kids to be responsible to make good choices for themselves begins early in the Hurst home. “We guide them to not make too many commitments and point out when commitments may overlap, while also hearing them out regarding their activities,” Hurst says.

Of course, the conversations you have with your child and the amount of commitment your child can handle change with age and maturity. “There may be different limits to what they can handle. At preschool age, one to two activities a week may be enough, while an elementary child may be able to manage two or three,” says Lympus.

Regardless of age, pay close attention to negative signs your child demonstrates when over scheduled, then begin trimming the schedule. While too many activities may cause a storm of unpleasant side effects, being over scheduled can have a silver lining. “Having a busy schedule can give your child the opportunity to practice good life skills, such as strengthening problem solving and time management skills, teaching leadership skills, developing team building skills, increasing self-esteem and providing ample opportunities to build social skills,” notes Lympus.

Conversely, she warns that watching for adverse effects is important, because a child with too much going on may develop personal insecurities when they can’t do it all at 100 percent. This can decrease their ability to follow through and complete tasks, as well as increase symptoms of depression and anxiety. “Just like adults, children need down time, where they can be themselves and relax so they can do their best, ‘in the game,’” says Lympus.

“We have a certain time each evening when the TV and games go off and we use the ‘be in when the street lights come on’ motto. They can go out and play, read or use their imagination,” says Hurst.

So keep your children involved in positive, structured activities, but watch for signs that call you to step in when those positives start to head south toward becoming negative experiences.

Karah Chapman is a school psychologist in the Kansas City area. She suggests a good puzzle, book or family dance party for downtime.

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