Making the Decision: Stay Home or Stay at Work
I taught high school English for eight years at Raytown High School. I loved teaching. I worked well over 45 hours a week creating lesson plans, grading essays and reading literature I wanted to introduce to my students. In the summers, I went to teaching conferences and took classes to become a better teacher. My family members and friends joked that my career was my life. Then I got pregnant, and everything changed.
Instead of reviewing my lesson plan for the day while driving through Independence to work each morning, I started wondering whether my son Elliott would take his first steps or say a new word while at the sitter’s house. I felt a tug in my chest and fought the urge to turn my car around and head back home.
For some women, going back to work after having a baby is the obvious choice, but many others face a difficult decision: stay home or stay at work. A new mother facing this decision may feel a great weight upon her, but coming to a decision she can be happy with is possible.
Think About Your Needs
Your needs matter as much as your child’s. If a mother isn’t going to be happy working, then sacrificing her salary is likely worth cinching the budget. If a woman dreads going to work, she is already sacrificing her mental well being, a sacrifice that may be too big.
Likewise, if a mother who’d rather work stays home, she is also making that same sacrifice. If she feels pressured to stay at home by her closest friends, relatives or spouse, her relationships with her children and family will also be strained. Neither decision is the right decision for all women.
The Finances
Many believe that they could never afford to reduce their family income by an entire salary, but with some planning, it is really possible. It might be advisable to complete paying off debts like cars and credit cards prior to losing one of the parents’ salaries. This may mean postponing the resignation for a year or so, but waiting can help reduce the financial stress. The next step is budgeting. Those who think they could never afford to stay at home might be surprised about what they are actually willing to let go.
- The cable bill can be reduced or dropped.
- You might not use all the allotted minutes on your cell phone and might be able to move to a less expensive plan.
- Libraries, such as the Mid-Continent Public Libraries and the Kansas City Public Libraries, offer enough DVDs that you may be able to reduce your subscription to a DVD service or stop visiting the rental store.
- Switch to mostly generic brands. You can save nearly half off your grocery bill.
- Search online for coupons for your favorite brands.
What Are Your Options?
It might be possible for you to make a compromise by moving one parent’s shift to evenings and/or weekends. Some employers offer part-time positions or flexible hours.
If you want to work but worry about your child’s well-being or the cost, you can exercise some control over his day care situation:
- Consider asking relatives whether they would consider sharing the day care responsibilities.
- Do you have any friends who stay home with their children? They may consider watching your child while you are at work. You will likely be able to negotiate for a reduced fee.
- Look for other stay-at-home mothers looking to watch another child for a little extra money. Ask friends and co-workers whethr they know anyone interested or even try a search engine like craigslist.
With a little effort and some information, you can make this decision more easily. The Raytown School District allowed me to work part-time for a year and a half. Eventually, though, I realized being away from my son even half of the day was too much for me. Now, I look at the clock each morning at 7:30 and note that instead of teaching 17-year-olds to properly punctuate a gerund phrase, I’m teaching my 2-year-old his colors. I’m exactly where I want to be.
Carrie Allison made the decision to stay home with her son Elliott a year ago. She is a freelance writer in Independence.