Chores Now May Mean Success Later in Life

This morning my husband put an advice column newspaper clipping on my desk. A concerned grandmother had written complaining that her daughter in law, who does not work outside the home and has plenty of time, expects too much of her 8 and 9 year old daughters. Mom has the girls helping wash dishes, clean rooms in the house, and with doing their own laundry including bed linen. Grandmother does not think it is right to make kids this age responsible for these household chores. The columnist answers that there is no reason kids this age cannot be taught how to do these things and it probably gives them a sense of accomplishment and independence.

Too bad that grandmother didn’t know about the study done by Marty Rossman, associate professor of family education at the University of Minnesota.  Rossman studied a group of young adults from the time they were preschool children and found that the best predictor of a child’s success as an adult is that they began helping with chores by age three or four. Specifically, these mid twenty adults were more likely to complete their education, get a good start on a career, develop adult relationships and avoid the use of drugs. The study found that early participation in household chores was deemed more important in adult success than any other factor, including IQ. 

Small children are usually eager to help. Last night we had dinner with Jim and Marilyn and their 18 month granddaughter Emma. After dinner Emma and Jim went into the kitchen. “Help you,” said Emma and they began loading the dishwasher. Jim handed the silverware to Emma one at a time and, smiling, she carefully put it in the basket. Yes, it does take longer to do the dishes with a toddler, but they are not too little to help.

Many parents try to give their kids a head start in kindergarten by teaching them letters, numbers, and colors. But it looks like they would be better off teaching them how to make their bed. According to a study of 379 children published August 2005 in the Journal of Personality, kids who had more responsibilities at the age of 5 were more likely to have better grades and better behavior in school as 8-year-olds.

The child who has practiced listening to parents and following their multiple step directions for chores finds it easier to understand and do what is expected of them at school. Parents give their children a sense of responsibility, competence and self-reliance by involving them in tasks. A young child feels capable when they know that Mom and Dad believe they can do it. It is this sense of confidence that will help them resist peer pressure as they grow older.

When children show an interest in what you are doing, show them how and let them help. At eighteen months Emma can also help pick up her toys, wipe up spills, and put the wet clothes in the dryer when Marilyn hands them to her from the washer. Do not wait until kids are “old enough” by then they will have lost interest in the job and you will have missed the teaching opportunity.

Parents will have to be patient as their kids assume chores. Start with simple two step instructions like,” Pick up your socks and put them in the laundry basket”. You must resist the temptation take over for them when they struggle. Do not make the bed over when it is not perfect. “Here, let me do that for you,” erases all that confidence you have built.

My practical husband rejoiced at the 8 and 9 year old girls who could do their laundry. He remembers a helpless college friend who did not know how to do laundry or clean up his apartment and whose idea of home cooking was reheating take out.

“It is faster if I do it myself” is often the take of parents. And they are right. It is faster and easier to it yourself, but the long term goal is to raise a self sufficient young adult. Start when the children are young. Even a one year old knows what the waste basket is. Just remember that even though they are kids, they are not your servant and don’t deserve the most boring jobs. Helping is part of being a family member, and not something done for an allowance. 

As adults we all would rather work with someone who does their share. This is a responsibility and work ethic that begins at home. Now we know from Rossman’s studies that including toddlers in household responsibilities will result in greater self esteem, less behavior problems, and more success as an adult. Imagine what a difference you can make in your child’s future simply by including them in family projects and chores.

Eleanor Wolf, a mother of two, is a free-lance writer and a professional speaker.