Communicating with your Child's Coach

If your children play sports, you probably realize the realities of participation: Most kids won’t go pro, and winning is secondary to playing hard and learning valuable life skills.

However, times may arise when you, as a parent, have a concern you would like to communicate with the coach. Perhaps your child is struggling a bit, or maybe he would like the opportunity to play a different position on the team.

Whatever the concern may be, there are times a parent needs to step in and chat with the coach in an attempt to resolve the issue. Here are some tips for communicating effectively:

Before the Discussion

• Talk to your child first. There is a chance that the concern is yours only and your child does not share the same feelings. Listen to what he has to say about the situation without injecting your opinions. Depending on his age and maturity level, he may even be able to handle talking to the coach himself if he feels there is an issue.
• Make an appointment to talk in person. Trying to catch the coach before or after a game or practice, when there are many distractions and other parents and players are within earshot, is not an ideal time for a discussion.
• Consider email or a phone call. A face-to-face discussion is often the best route to a resolution, as words are less likely to be misconstrued, and body language can be read. However, if schedules or other factors don’t allow for an in-person meeting, emails or phone calls can work, too.

During the Discussion

• Begin on a positive note. “Emma really enjoys playing softball, and we think you’re doing a great job as a coach” is more likely to lead to a productive conversation than starting with “We have a real problem here, and you need to fix it.”
• Put yourself in the coach’s shoes. Remember that coaches get a lot of input from parents and might feel overwhelmed trying to do what they think is best for the team AND avoiding disgruntled parents and players.
• Focus on the problem, not the person. You might not agree with every decision the coach makes, but criticism will get you nowhere. Calmly state the concern without attacking the person in charge.
• Explain how the problem affects your child Maybe Johnny feels he’s a great shortstop; instead he’s always in right field, which makes him dread game time. Explaining this will help the coach see things from your child’s point of view.
• Listen attentively. After you voice your concern, step back and listen to the coach’s response. Make sure you don’t harbor a preconceived notion about how you think the problem should be solved; the coach may offer suggestions you had not considered. Be open to other viewpoints.
• Thank the coach. This person took time out of a busy schedule to meet with you and (hopefully) try to resolve the problem; express gratitude for the feedback.

After the Discussion

• Offer your help. Ask if there is anything you can do to help your child with the sport. If the coach feels your young athlete needs more experience to play a starting position, find out what drills can be done at home.
• Take it to the next level. If you feel you have a legitimate concern that impacts your child in a negative manner and it is not resolved after speaking with the coach, consider talking to the next person in charge, usually an athletic director or program director. Follow the same guidelines as when talking to the coach.

Above all, trust your instincts. Most coaches in youth sports model ethical behavior and place emphasis on teaching skills rather than winning every game. However, some coaches take their authority too far and become abusive—either physically, emotionally or sexually. Listen to that inner voice; if you feel something is not right, contact authorities right away.

Tisha Foley’s two children have participated in soccer, tee ball and gymnastics and have had terrific coaches. The Foleys make their home in Belton.