Dealing with Disappointment

    We’ve all witnessed the scene: a child is disappointed because he didn’t get the toy, candy or video game he wanted so he throws a major temper tantrum in the middle of Target. We’ve all witnessed the stressed out mother trying to calm a child sobbing at a birthday party because someone else received presents. Life is full of disappointment, but dealing with that reality can be a struggle for a young child. 

    Taryn MacGee, Liberty mother of three, understands the need to teach children how to handle disappointment. “They will deal with it their entire lives and need to figure out how to accept disappointment and move on while still learning from their feelings.” It’s easy to accept the 4-year-old screaming and crawling under the cart at Target, but would we have the same reaction if it were a 16-year-old? 

    You need to start when they are little, says Elaine Tyner, Kearney mother of three. “While you want your child to always be happy, when playing games with your child at a young age, like 3 to 4 years old, do not let your child win every time,” she advises A child who wins every time at “Candyland” will struggle as he/she gets older and can’t win every time. 

    One way to help a child handle a disappointment is to anticipate its coming. Jill O’Connell, Kearney mother of three, says, “If a parent foresees a possible disappointment coming for their child, it would be good to talk to the child to prepare them for the possibility,” she says. “Whether the disappointment is pending or upon your child, try to focus on the positives.” 

    Sometimes the disappointment is inevitable. “One thing a parent must never do is minimize their child's feelings. What your child feels is very real to them and should be acknowledged as such,” O’Connell says. “Give your child the opportunity to vent and let off the pent up feelings.” Tyner adds, “Let your children know that things aren’t always going to be the way they would like and that you still love them and praise their effort!” 

    Younger children have different needs than older ones. “Understand that younger children may not have the skills or words to express what they are feeling,” O’Connell says. “Be there to assist them with working through their feelings, as trying to go it alone can be very scary for a young child.” This process can be frustrating to a parent, too. MacGee says, “My biggest frustration is how they will sometimes not know how to express something, and I am fearful they will brood about something without me knowing it is bothering them.” 

    Teaching life skills such as dealing with disappointment can be difficult, but can be rewarding in the long run parents help the child grow to become a responsible person.

Jennifer Higgins is a freelance writer from Kearney.