Do You Wanna Have a Sleepover?
Being a kid can be tough. School, rules, chores—what a world! Fortunately, one of the greatest, most exciting childhood rites of passage still persists: sleepovers.
Though a sleepover is meant to be fun, silly and even a little crazy, it probably wouldn’t surprise you to hear that most adults regard this very common experience with a bit of anxiety. Whether you’re the parent hosting the sleepover or the one sending your child over to a friend’s home, here are some suggestions and tips to make sure the night goes smoothly.
Know thy child
If you ask 10 parents what age is best for a child to experience a sleepover, you’ll get 10 different answers. That’s because no child is the same. Some children are ready for a sleepover at their bestie’s home by the age of 3 or 4. On the other side, some children won’t be emotionally ready for the separation from their own beds until much later. Take a hard look at your child’s sleep patterns. Has he slept over at a grandparent’s or trusted relative’s home without you for a whole night yet? If not, it’s a good idea to try that first to get a feel for his response. If your child still wakes up in the middle of the night from nightmares or occasionally climbs into bed with you, it’s likely too early to try a sleepover. Although there is no official right time for a child to attend a sleepover, there certainly can be a wrong time. It’s up to you to gauge the difference.
Ask the questions
If your child receives a sleepover invitation, you are always within your rights to ask as many questions as you feel necessary. (Check out our list of top “Sleepover Questions” at the end of this article.) In addition, if the home is new to your child, consider asking whether your child can come over for a playdate a few days before the sleepover. It may seem like an imposition, but getting familiar with new territory could help your child feel more comfortable and get a feel for the upcoming night, especially if he can see where he will be sleeping. Lastly, ask your child if he even wants to go. Children feel pressure to attend sleepovers, but it’s possible they aren’t comfortable. Give them the out in case they want it.
Screen Safety
We live in a digital world. The days of simply hiding R-rated DVDs are long over. It’s fair for you to ask what types of screen exposure your child will encounter at her sleepover. Will there be iPads? Laptops? Amazon Prime? Netflix? How are the hosts going to safeguard those crafty kiddos from getting into trouble online? Each host parent’s response will vary, so you must be prepared to make decisions based on your comfort level. Some hosts may choose to implement a “No Phone Zone,” where all of the guests’ devices are kept in a safe place. When children want to call or speak to their parents, they simply ask the host parent for their phones. You might also consider asking for password protections to be placed on devices with access to PG-13 and R-rated movies. Again, usage limits and allowances will likely change with the party’s age group, so decide ahead of time what you are comfortable with.
Lights Out
Do you enjoy living with grumpy zombies? Probably not. Better check with the slumber party hosts to see whether there will be an official lights out time. Obviously, flipping the light switch off doesn’t mean sleeping will happen, but it may at least jump start the process. If the host parents don’t plan to implement any strategy to encourage sleep, you may want to reconsider allowing your child to stay all night. Kids need sleep, even if just for a few hours.
Give your child the power
You’ll receive assurances from the host parents that your kids are in safe hands, but the fact is, your child will eventually come across a situation that’s tricky. Maybe it’s a friend who wants to sneak out. Maybe it’s a classmate making fun of another guest at the sleepover. For this reason, it’s imperative to have discussions with your children and equip them with the power to pull the plug. If they’re old enough to text, give them a coded message for an SOS. In our household, if my stepdaughter wants to come home, she simply texts a variation of the phrase, “Do we have macaroni at home for dinner tomorrow?” If we receive that message, we know she wants to come home and needs an excuse. We can then insist she come home. Her rep stays intact, and we’re happy to be the bad guy.
There’s a second option
Spoiler alert: Sleepovers don’t have to be all night. Many parents are beginning to implement a “stay most of the night” policy for their kids. In these situations, children can stay as late as midnight to enjoy the fun and craziness but then return home for restful sleep in their own beds. Some may argue this detracts from the whole experience of sleepovers, and to an extent that’s true. But if it means I can have a fully functioning child on Saturday or Sunday afternoon, it’s worth the eye rolls and “you never let me do anything fun” outbursts.
Sleepover Questions That Should Always Be Asked:
- Who will be present in the house at the sleepover? Make sure to ask for an inclusive list. You may think it’s just a child’s mom, but will her boyfriend be present, too? What about grandparents? Is there a teen sibling in the house who might have a friend over? You have a right to know.
- What are emergency numbers for at least two people who will be in the home?
- Are there any weapons in the home? Where and how are they stored?
- Where specifically is your child going to sleep? Offer to provide her own sleeping bag, both for her comfort and your peace of mind.
- What sorts of apps/cable channels/etc. will the kids have access to? How will it be monitored?
- Will the kids be leaving at any time? Where are they going, who is driving and will there be a need for a car seat for young kids?
- Are there nightlights? Many children sleep with them, but others don’t. It’s a small detail, but it could matter a great deal to your child.
Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for KC. She lives in Liberty with her husband, stepdaughters and son.