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Tips to Support an Anxious Child

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           Anxiety is a feeling of unease or nervousness that often accompanies an upcoming event or something with an uncertain outcome. This feeling typically comes with physical signs, such as increased heart rate or muscle tension. (Merriam-Webster) Even children have occasional feelings of anxiety when faced with something new or if they must confront their fears, and just like adults, kids experience periods of sadness, nervous feelings and hopelessness during childhood. We parents can support our kids while they have these episodes and give them tools to work through the hard times.

            But sorting through these issues is challenging. Many parents wonder about the difference between children’s anxious feelings that stem from typical developmental challenges and their anxious feelings that become less manageable and need professional help. For example, 7- to 9-month-old babies commonly have anxiety about strangers. Preschool-age children tend to fear the dark, monsters and insects, and school-age kids often have anxious feelings about school and friends. These feelings are expected for kids and part of their learning to manage the world around them. But when these fears begin to interrupt their ability to learn, interact with peers, sleep at night or function normally in daily life, those children might be dealing with an anxiety disorder (VeryWellMind.com). “We sought professional help when anxiety caused self-harm or destructive behaviors,” says Courtney DeBok, a mom of six from Paola, KS. “Continued talks about what’s causing the anxiety help, but sometimes the child can’t identify what they are anxious about. This is also another reason it’s helpful to include a professional.”

            Anxiety can appear at any age, but children experience these feelings much differently than adults. True anxiety can cause anger and aggression, bedwetting, changes in appetite, insomnia, fatigue, trouble focusing, irritability, muscle tension, nervous habits such as nail biting, restlessness, headaches or stomachaches in children. Anxious feelings can prompt children to refuse to go to school or other activities or make them want to avoid situations. The Centers for Disease Control Prevention (CDC) says, “7.1 percent of children aged 3-17 years (approximately 4.4 million) have diagnosed anxiety.” If your children struggle with anxiety, the statistics show they are not alone.

            Feelings of anxiousness protect us from dangerous situations and warn us when to avoid things that may put us at risk. This is the positive side of anxious feelings. However, an anxiety disorder can be debilitating and cause us to make decisions that are no longer protecting us.

Anxiety in children can be difficult to identify because it can appear to be a child’s acting out or behaving strangely rather than expressing an underlying concern. For example, if your child is having anxiety about school, he may refuse to go, may complain about a stomachache and ask to see the nurse to get out of class, or he may act out and distract his peers. If you feel that your child’s behavior stems from anxiousness about a situation, try to identify the problem’s root. “We ask questions that get them to discover the root of the worry themselves,” says an Olathe mom of three. She suggests using questions like “What are you most afraid of happening in this situation?” This helps kids determine the root of the problem. “If they don’t know what scares them, we walk through a possible scenario of the whole event and stop when they get to the scary part so we can further discuss it,” she says.

            Darcy King, mom of two from Olathe, says, “We use a lot of grounding techniques. For example, name five things you see, five things you hear, five things you feel. We also use deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation videos that can be found on YouTube.” Olathe mom of three Amy Cameron says, “I finally asked my kids if they felt like talking to a therapist, and I was surprised how well they were able to articulate what they were going through. It helped a lot.”

            No one will argue that anxious feelings are normal on occasion for both kids and adults. When these feelings interfere with schoolwork, activities and relationships, disrupt the entire family or become unmanageable, it may be time to seek professional help. If your child is threatening to hurt herself or others, or if her behavior feels scary or out of control, see a professional right away. A therapist will be able to give you and your child tools to manage the anxiety in a healthy way, identify the root of the problem, determine symptoms and triggers, and prescribe medication if needed. These steps will make anxiety more manageable and leave your child feeling healthier and happier.

Tips to Tame Anxiety in Your Children

Anxiety | Definition of Anxiety by Merriam-Webster

Children with Anxiety: Symptoms and How to Help (VeryWellMind.com)

Signs of Anxiety in Children: Child Anxiety Symptoms

Anxiety and Depression in Children: Get the facts | CDC (statistics)

Sarah Lyons is an Olathe mom of six children, including 7-year-old triplets.

As always, please consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns.

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