Don’t Forget the Oldest

     Young children often require so much attention it can be easy to forget the importance of one-on-one time with your older, more independent kid. With a little planning, it can be fun and easy to help your older child feel included. Katrina Ball, child care resource and referral manager from The Family Conservancy says, “Spending time one-on-one with the older child (not just the oldest) is crucial because it reaffirms the special bond that you have with your child.”

Kansas City moms also chime in to share the unique and fun ways they have found to make time for their oldest.

Books

    Reading together creates an opportunity for discussion about your child’s life, including a new sibling, a problem at school or an exciting event that is taking place. “Reading together can be a special moment of one-on-one time and, after the story is complete, a time to discuss the daily happenings of your child’s life,” explains Ball.

Shanna and her son go a step farther and visit the bookstore. They browse the books and comics together, enjoy the music kiosks and select a book to buy and read at home.

Evening Hours

    Ball suggests, “The activities that you do with your older children do not have to be big and spectacular, but something you will enjoy doing together.” Evening hours provide a natural time for hanging out with your older child because younger children are already asleep.

    Daneen and her daughter share a nightly ritual that includes a devotional, story, prayer and a back scratch. Barbi, too, enjoys time with her son, 11, after her other children are asleep, “This gives me time to spend one on one with him, with no distractions.” Barbi and her son play cards or watch TV together.

Kitchen Aid

    Cooking together can be beneficial for kids and parents. Ball says, “Asking children how they would like to help with meal preparation and then giving them meaningful tasks can assist them in feeling responsible, helpful and valued.”

Kelly’s second child was born with special needs and she quickly realized that her older daughter was feeling left out. She decided to get her daughter involved with the daily task of food preparation: “We start prepping for supper when my son is napping, so it is still BIG girl time.” Kelly also created a kid-friendly coupon book and grocery list so her daughter could actively participate in grocery shopping.

Special Day

    Carving time out of one day a week is another way to focus on your older child. Angela’s 16-year-old confessed that he felt he didn’t know her, so they now spend at least 30 minutes every Thursday after school together. “We have been doing our Thursday now for about six weeks and what a tremendous change it has made in our relationship,” says Angela.

    Whatever activity you choose, regardless of your child’s age, be sure you make time for the oldest!

Julie Steed writes from her home in Leavenworth where she enjoys reading, shopping and painting pottery with her oldest child.