Drama Free Drop-Offs

We’ve all been there. We go to drop off our child at school or at a friend’s house, thinking that he will be excited and have a great time, and then…meltdown. Flailing, weeping, gnashing of teeth. Or maybe just cruel, silent tears coursing down the cheeks. Whichever, it pulls at a mommy’s heartstrings and can make the brief separation difficult for everyone.

To make that transition a little easier for their little ones, mommies have developed quite the range of drop-off techniques. Learn some of the tried-and-true methods and see if one of them will work for your family!

Sing a Song

“Every time I drop my girls off, we sing to each other “Grown-ups Come Back” from Daniel Tiger in the car before arrival,” says Laine Scott from Peculiar. One of her twins has anxiety, and if she is having an extra hard time, she asks Mom to sing the whole song to her. That routine helps remind her girls that Mommy always comes back, just like the song says.

Talk Up the Fun

Sarah Brandt from Lee’s Summit likes to preview the day for her kids. While they are on their way to school, she takes time to talk with her kids each morning about the fun activities that they will get to do that day. Talking about the dress-up center, train center or their fun art day gets her kids so excited that they race into class. Sometimes, they even forget their good-bye hugs!

Give Them a Schedule

As the person who is often on the other side of drop-offs, Erica Smith, a kindergarten teacher from Brookside, implements a visual schedule with anxious students. She says, “When a child is having a difficult time separating from parents on a daily basis, I make a picture schedule so they can see what activities we’ll be doing all day, concluding with a picture of when school is out. As we complete those activities, the child crosses the picture out and has a concrete way of seeing when it’s time for parents to come back. I encourage parents to have one at home so they can review with their child as they get ready for the day or for bed.” Sometimes children are visual learners and need that tangible reminder that they are moving toward seeing their parents again.

Give Them a Task

Some kids do well with a specific task that they are in charge of when they go to a drop-off. Debbie Burre, an occupational therapist from Lee’s Summit, suggests that “having a job to do on arrival can help. A note to deliver or a sticker to put on a chart when they get in” helps them shift their focus away from their parents. As someone who works with both special needs kids and peer models, she has seen the benefit of using special jobs to help make the transition go more smoothly.

RUN!

Sarah Stolberg, Lee’s Summit, quips, “You mean you are not supposed to dump them and run as fast as you can before they turn around to see you are gone?” But I think she accurately describes one of the most popular drop-off techniques. It’s the equivalent of ripping the Band-Aid off quickly and then using the “out of sight, out of mind” idea at the same time. Sarah adds a little more seriously, “Honestly though, that’s what we do. The faster we leave, the better she does. Lingering just makes her more nervous and makes the situation worse.”

As a mom of 3-year-old quadruplets, one of whom has autism, I find myself using a combination of drop-off techniques based on the personality of each of my kids. One of my children responds well to our previewing her day. One couldn’t care less if we are there or not. One needs a brief distraction and all is well, and our son with autism needs a combination of a visual schedule and the parental “run!” approach.

No single technique is best, and what works best for a child may change over time. Kudos to the many parents out there who take the time to learn their child’s preferences and find the best way to transition them from their arms to a playdate or classroom in such a way as to minimize their anxiety. It’s a wonderful way to show a child how much you love him even when you aren’t physically there.

Rebecca Ishum lives in South KC with her husband and preschool-aged quadruplets who all have completely different personalities. She does her best to make school and church drop-offs as trauma-free as possible. Read more about their parenting adventures at ABeautifulRuckus.com