Five Ways to Carve Out One-on-One Time in a Big Family
Growing up as an only child, I was not spoiled with THINGS, but instead, my parents gave me the gift of one-on-one time. I treasured that time and am learning it's a gift that's hard to stretch out among my own five kids when I also am homeschooling and working part-time from home. Yes, homeschooling counts as time, I guess. But it's school time. And, yes, we do a lot of fun stuff out of the house together as a group, but I had to come up with a plan to sneak in that precious one-on-one time. Here are a few ideas that might work for you—and you don’t even need to have a big family to institute them. Whether you have one kid or 10, give these a try!
NIGHTLY TIME
Monday nights are for my oldest son, Joel. We go upstairs around 9:00 before I get too punch-drunk tired and we read some of his current homeschool book we are supposed to be reading. The other kids know it's our time, and they stay downstairs. This is also a good time for talking and sharing stories and thoughts and ideas. He is 14 now, and this time is priceless to me because we only have so much more time left together with him at home. I have to make sure I keep this relationship strong.
Tuesday nights are for Michael, with the same routine of reading and bonding. Michael entertains me with his dark humor, but he is often the quietest of the kids so it's great for me to hear him out one-on-one. That he knows I value what’s going on in his 12-year-old head is important for me.
Wednesday nights are for Callie. We like to watch some Project Runway Jr. and chat. Then I have her read to me from various books. She is 10 and still likes to spend time with me, so I am jumping on this opportunity.
Thursday nights are for 8-year-old Eva. We engage in chitchat, I read her stories and maybe we watch a cartoon together. She is my kid who needs tons of physical affection, so we snuggle up.
Friday nights are for 6-year-old Samuel. He loves to hear stories, so we take our time while I read to him, then he tells a story back to me and we discuss it if he wants to. Maybe we watch a cartoon and laugh together and just talk about his day.
DATES
Our family’s intention is to do one-on-one kid dates twice a year, but unfortunately we seem to get them in only once a year (I need to work on that). These 4-hour kid dates are a big deal to the kids and wouldn’t even have to cost a cent, although I do like to take them out to eat so we can sit and chat and enjoy some good food and a treat. Depending on the kid, we might go to a park, hang out at a sporting goods store, hit a fabric shop or a toy store just to look around and play.
ERRANDS
Sometimes when I have an errand to run and one kid wants to come along I say yes! So much easier than the days of taking five tiny kids to the grocery store: wrangling them while someone had a meltdown, breaking a sweat and then busting out the Hershey Kisses and cramming them into my mouth on the way to the minivan.
BAKING
Lately, when a kid asks to help me with something, I say yes. Of course, sometimes my blood pressure freaks out a little when messes are made and wrong things are put into recipes, but it all works out. They are learning and having fun is my mantra.
EXERCISE
When the weather was nicer and a kid wanted to walk with me, I have to admit my first reaction was thinking, "Ah, man, I'm going to miss my sanity time and my podcasts and quiet." But then I realized how important that one-on-one time is. When they are all grown up and out of the house, I will probably walk every day alone or with my husband or with some new old-lady friend. For now, I want to walk with my kids and hear what they have to say.
The chaos of daily life doesn’t have to take over! Sometimes being together takes a little planning, but other times those spontaneous one-on-one times spring up and really make your child feel special.
Kerrie McLoughlin has as much fun as possible with her kids while having an awesome career as a proofreader and writer. You can find out about it all at TheKerrieShow.com.