Is Overachieving Overrated?

The afternoon school bell. Once music to a child’s ears, it has now become a reminder: a reminder for many kids of what’s next on their busy after-school schedules. Long gone are the days of going home to relax and play after school. Instead, today’s children are making a mad dash from school to a long list of extracurricular activities: dance class, cheerleading, soccer, football, choir, band practice, drama club and, for some, a part-time job in the evenings. And to top it off, many of these children are expected to maintain straight As. More than ever, children are becoming overachievers, working hard to impress and stand out from the crowd. But when do they have time to be … well … kids?

According to the U.S. Department of Education, involvement in extracurricular activities does improve a child’s quality of life. But as we all know, too much of anything can be harmful, and many children today are being pushed into schedules that are busier than their parents’ full-time jobs. Where exactly is this push coming from?

Angela Sharp, Guidance Department lead counselor at Park Hill High School, admits that it’s coming from more than just one source.

“That push comes from within the school and not just from the parents. The belief in our schools today is that you have to be challenged and be involved in some activities in order to be successful,” she says. “It’s preparing students for life after high school.”

Sharp says that today’s economy is also responsible. With some parents losing jobs, many of today’s teens are realizing that they need to work harder to achieve their own future goals.

“They’re realizing that in order to get into the best schools and get scholarships, they have to attain high GPAs and ACT scores. It all takes rigor,” she says.

And let’s not forget the younger crowd. Teenagers aren’t the only ones with high expectations. Children of all ages are struggling under the pressure to succeed in school and keep up with extracurricular activities. But is this pressure to overachieve a good thing? For some kids, yes; but not all children are alike.

“We have to remember that every child is an individual, not a cookie-cutter mold. It’s amazing what some kids can accomplish, but for others, too much pressure can cause a lot of anxiety,” Sharp says. “Especially if they’re not as successful as they think they should be.”

How do you know whether your child is an overachiever or being pushed too hard to succeed? Stress and anxiety in children can show itself in a number of ways, such as headaches, stomachaches or even tears. Such stress can create turmoil within the child and, as a result, the child might begin shutting down.

“I often see grades drop within these students’ courses. When students struggle, they often find themselves in a hole they can’t climb out of,” Sharp says. “They don’t think it’s possible to be successful, so they give up.”

Teenagers under pressure are also more likely to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol and are prone to outbursts, irritability and sleep deprivation. So, what’s a parent to do?

One solution to the problem of overachieving is quality time. Spending time together as a family, eating dinner together and playing board games allow children (and parents) time to unwind and relax in a noncompetitive environment. Children learn to deal with stress from their parents, so it’s important to set a good example.

Sit down and talk with your child. Is he enjoying all of the activities he’s involved in? Extracurricular activities offer a wide range of life skills and, in moderation, can benefit a child’s development, but only if he’s enjoying them. If your child is not enjoying what she’s doing, it’s time to reevaluate his schedule. What is the goal? If it’s good grades, then that needs to be the top priority. Then choose an activity or two and go from there. Discuss with your child the pros and cons of each activity. Ask him if these are things he really wants to do or if he just feels pressured to do them. Then make an organized schedule and be sure to have a set time for homework, uninterrupted, every night.

“Our teen wants to do everything when it comes to extracurricular activities. So, we sit down and discuss which of the activities are most important to her,” Independence mom Jennifer Westerman says. “We only allow one activity per season so our daughters don’t get overwhelmed.”

Sharp says it’s all about balance and structure; and balance also means down time. Be sure your child’s schedule includes clear time that belongs to her and no one else. Play is an important part of childhood and should be encouraged. While school is part of the process of becoming successful, so is unstructured time to play and be creative. It’s these activities that advance a child’s cognitive skills.

“We want our daughters to have time to sit back and enjoy being kids,” Westerman says. “They need that.”

“I think it’s important for kids to still be kids,” Sharp says. “My job is to make sure my students are prepared for life after Park Hill High School, but it’s also important to let them experience being a teenager.”

As we all know, childhood is short. Even if your child loves every activity she’s involved in and seems to handle her busy schedule with ease, it’s important to monitor and maybe even cut back on the intensity level for her well-being. After all, you don’t want her to miss out on being a kid … do you?

Gina Klein is an overachieving writer who resides in Kansas City with her husband, two daughters and two pups.