Teen and Tween Parenting: When Play Groups Transition to Dating, Where Do You Go For Parenting Advice?

When your children are babies or toddlers, it’s easy to get advice from other parents. Whether at play groups or on social media, moms and dads don’t think twice before asking other parents about diapering, sleep habits, feeding and other baby and toddler issues. But parents need to recognize when it’s time to stop oversharing about their children.

As your children move into the teenage years, there will come a time when they no longer want you posting their photo on Facebook every day or asking your “mom friends” for advice on how to deal with acne or dating failures. That leaves some parents struggling with how to get parenting guidance at the very moment they are entering uncharted territory and needing advice on how to survive the teenage years. They are cut off from their source of advice and sharing. Where should a parent go to talk about things best kept private? How can you find advice or support when your children’s issues become more serious or more embarrassing? Here are some ways to connect with other parents going through the same challenges as you and places to get advice as you raise your tweens and teens.

Get face to face. Remember how your mom used to have friends over for coffee during the day? They were probably talking about you. In this age of online communication it’s easy to forget about the benefits of face-to-face gatherings. Make time to get together with your friends in person, especially those with teens and tweens of their own. Better yet, invite some parents who have survived the teen years already! Use that time to vent and ask for advice on those tough parenting questions that are too serious or embarrassing for social media. Choose a group that you trust and institute a “what is said here stays here” rule so that you know your kids’ business won’t end up being public knowledge.

Go online. Though social media may be off limits, there are plenty of resources online where parents can get support and advice from other parents. Think about joining an online forum for parents of teens and tweens where you can post your concerns and questions without sharing your or your child’s identity fully. Check BabyCenter.com for their Parents of Tweens and Teens forum or check any of your favorite parenting websites to see whether they have forums. It may take a few tries to find the right fit, but there are definitely great groups of parents online! The benefit to this type of resource is that you can be brutally honest about your concerns and share things that you may be uncomfortable discussing even with your best friends.

Dr. Mary Hamm of Leawood Pediatrics also suggests HealthyChildren.org and KidsHealth.org as good online resources for parents and teens where you can get advice and information from pediatricians and other experts.

Ask the doctor. Many parents don’t realize that they can seek advice from their pediatrician on common tween and teen concerns. Hamm says that they commonly cover issues like puberty, periods, safe sex, acne and safe driving with their patients. Most of these conversations will take place with your child present, but if you ever need advice on how to deal with a specific issue, don’t be afraid to seek advice from your child’s pediatrician.

Take a class. Parenting teens can be challenging, so don’t be afraid to take a class from a local organization. Hamm suggests the Johnson County Department of Health and Environment course on adolescent health.  It covers topics like puberty, hygiene, reproduction and social development and is designed for both parents and children (boys and girls). Find out more and register for a class at their website JoCoGov.org. Olathe Health System also offers a course called “Girls Growing Up” that focuses on a girl’s changing body in a light and humorous way for both parents and girls. Information on that class can be found at OlatheHealth.org. Check with your neighborhood hospital or child development center for options near your home or ask your pediatrician for recommendations.

Talk to your child. It’s okay to tell your teen or tween that you don’t have all the answers. Sometimes kids don’t need you to fix a problem as much as they need someone to talk to about it. Listen to your child carefully and let him know that you will find solutions to his problems together. Ask him if he has any ideas on different subjects, suggest he do his own research and, most of all, make sure he knows that you are a team.

Parenting is an ongoing process, and the important thing is to realize that everyone can use advice and help from other parents and experts. Use these resources to make it easier for both you and your child to navigate through these uncharted waters. By depending on friends, professionals and sometimes strangers, you will both get through it!

Sara Keenan lives in Brookside with her husband and two children.  She belongs to a wonderful online group of moms that serves as an endless source of parenting advice and support.