Nag No More!
Nobody likes a nag. Then again, no one likes to be a nag. However, it seems that nagging is just another one of the pitfalls of parenting: telling your child–at least 50 times–to brush his teeth in the morning before he responds; reminding her over and over and over to do her homework each night. Then there’s the mad rush to get out the door on time for school and other activities, resulting in the repetitious (and annoying), “Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!” The reality is the more we nag, the more our children tune us out. Is there a way to stop the vicious cycle of nagging?
Never fear: There are ways to end the monstrous nagging parenthood has created! All it takes is changing your behavior and then following the tips below:
Pick your battles. Before you storm into your child’s bedroom, think about what’s important and what really isn’t. While stranger danger and road safety are important topics to hit on at home more than once, freaking out over dropping a few crumbs on the floor during snack time isn’t that big a deal, is it?
Get your child’s attention. Instead of hollering across the room, go to your child and use a pleasant, calm voice. Remember to use the word “please.” Since you expect the same manners from your children, it’s important to model the good behavior. Plus, adding that word into your request can initiate follow-through.
Retrain yourself to follow through. Do you find yourself giving instructions with an expectation that you’ll have to repeat them multiple times before anything happens? Following your instructions the first time is a habit you must cultivate in your child. Instead of calling out a direction as you pass by laden with dirty laundry, wait until after you start the washer. Then, you can help your child disengage from his activity and guide him to successfully complete the task after your first request. Regularly following through establishes the habit.
Give her choices. Avoid phrasing directions as questions. When you do this, your child feels he is being given an option rather than a direction. Don’t ask, “Would you like to pick up your toys now?” Instead, try giving choices instead of just commands whenever possible. Allow your child to decide how or when to follow your directions. Ask, “Would you like to brush your teeth before or after your bath?” Make it clear that what your child gets to decide is when to do the job, not whether to do it.
Be positive! Positivity can go a long way when you’re used to nagging. If it’s hard for you to avoid mentioning what your child didn’t do, try to counter-balance it with acknowledging a good thing that he did accomplish. Maybe she forgot to brush her hair, but she did brush her teeth. Make a big deal out of what she did well and keep your nag on the sidelines.
Start a reward system to encourage positive behavior. Children love praise just as we do! Create and implement a star chart, with a small reward after a certain number of stars are achieved. If your child forgets to pick up his shoes as asked, mention that the next time he puts his shoes away, he’ll get a star on his chart. A star chart is a positive, visual incentive that will lead to good behavior.
Listen to your child. It’s important to listen to your child’s wants and needs. After all, you can’t expect her to consider yours if you don’t reciprocate. Nagging stems from a child’s not listening to a parent, and that parent’s feeling frustrated. So, when your child has something to say, give her the attention that you expect her to give you. This sets a positive example for the next time you want to ask something of her.
Make your language more positive. Instead of barging in your child’s room saying, “Clean this mess up! It looks like a pig sty!” make things more positive by saying, “Shall we clean this room up together? It’ll give us more room to play a game!” If you’re involved, the task might seem less overwhelming to your child.
Use humor to defuse a potentially grumpy situation. Instead of repeating your requests for a clean room, try adding some light humor. Pretend to trip and fall over a toy lying on the floor. Children love humor, and the distraction might just be enough to get the job done.
Show appreciation. When the job is done, let your child know that you appreciate her compliance. Instead of blurting, “It’s about time!” say a simple and sweet, “Thank you.” You might even give your child a hug.
Kansas City mom Gina Klein is an author/photographer who sometimes catches herself nagging her daughters a bit more than she’d like.