Parenting in the 2010s

I was thinking about the subject matter for this article and I texted my girlfriends the question “What do parents have to be knowledgeable about today that they did not when we were kids?”  My phone beeped in rapid succession with a flood of incoming messages. They didn’t even have to take time to think about an answer. Bullying, competitive sports pressure, body image issues, social media, affording college and the all-encompassing “Pinterest effect” (feeling like you need to be awesome at everything) were immediately texted back to me. This led me to more deeply examine a few areas in which I, and I’m sure other parents too, now feel that we have to excel.

Photojournalism

I have seen the baby albums from my childhood and those of my friends. They are typically medium-sized leather books with photographs carefully set into little cardboard corners. Occasionally there is a date or a location written in. The album showing me as a baby spans the time period from my birth up until about 10 months (which was, coincidentally I’m sure, when I began to toddle). After that, there are a few vacation-specific albums, but mostly there are Polaroids, snapshots and slides in boxes. Now, parents document their little ones’ every move instantaneously via video on social media, often with clever commentary. The vast selection of digital scrapbooking options is staggering. There is no concept today of “wasting film.”  At the mention of the concept, you are likely to be met with a quizzical “What’s film?”  You can’t go to an amusement park without staff constantly trying to photograph your family. Of course, I want my kids to have photo/video documentation of their youth, but not at the expense of being remembered as “that sweaty lady who occasionally appears in the background with the camera around her neck.” I am personally thankful there is little photographic evidence of a period in my life I refer to as “the braces years.”   Many current writers have encouraged parents to live in the moment rather than focus on documenting it. My kids will have plenty of pictures of their childhood—I just hope they will be able to get into whatever extremely outdated technology I used at the time in order to see them!  

IT Support

As soon as I learn about a new technology or social media site, my kids have moved on to something else. They are almost to the point of not asking for my help on the phone or computer because they know that I will be guessing. Not only do parents today have to keep up with their tech-savvy kids, we are often the primary tech support for our own parents! We are the first generation of parents raising children who have always had access to the Internet and smart phones. This distinction requires us to parent a way of life we did not experience ourselves. My having had “Speak ‘N Spell” and “Merlin” games as a kid does not compare. I know that many other parents struggle with “screen time” and what is acceptable for children. I envision that when my children are adults they might laugh at the notion that screen time once had a name and was ever limited. (Kind of like the way I now laugh at the “computer” courses I took in high school).

Nutrition

A fairly common lunch for kids in the late ’70s and early ’80s  was a sandwich on white bread, chips and Kool-Aid that had been frozen to melt into a delicious slushy by lunch or—gasp—a soda to drink. And if I was lucky, a Hostess Cupcake or Ding Dong was included for dessert.  Can you imagine the outcry if I sent my child to school with that lunch today? Shudder.  Parents today also have to keep up on what food allergies are in their children’s classes and/or camps, as well as know all the component parts that make up any foods they are sending into the classroom.  I’ve heard of schools that have found it easier to ban celebratory treats altogether. If you are serving food or drink to a child and you don’t know their medical history, you pretty much can only give them water.

Child Psychology

While I agree that physical discipline is not the best method for getting children to behave, I’ll be darned if I know what is. “Do you want to be in time out?” doesn’t work consistently. We as parents are told to “set firm limits” while “offering options.”  What does that even mean?  “Do you want to wear the red pajamas or the blue pajamas?”  This never worked on my kids. Such methods, at least in my experience, assume that your child will choose one of those options. They don’t explore the much more common reaction of the child screaming “NO BED!” and throwing all pajamas on the floor and running out of the room.   “Try positive reinforcement.”  That is fine if there is positive behavior to reinforce!  “Use your words.” Boy, have I regretted uttering that sentence. If they are throwing a tantrum, I have found that a verbal description of why they are mad is seldom helpful, and usually the invective is directed toward myself or a sibling in the vicinity. Please try not to mom-judge other parents for their methods of discipline. There are so many conflicting theories out there, and we are all trying the best we can to teach our children.

Looking on the bright side, at least today it doesn’t seem to matter as much if you are not a great housekeeper or seamstress!    

Laura Miller McEachen is a part-time attorney and full-time mommy minoring in photojournalism, information technology, nutrition and child psychology. She would have flunked home economics.