Pros and Cons of Sharing a Bedroom

The list of things parents want to provide for their children seems endless: a good education, healthy meals and, of course, a safe and happy living environment. For many parents, that means asking the question about bedroom space. Some families explore room sharing out of necessity based on living space, others move children into the same bedroom for personal reasons. “I always shared a bedroom with my sister growing up,” says Julie Brown, Olathe mom. “I didn’t think much about it at the time, but now that I have kids, I sometimes wonder if they are missing out by having their own rooms. Looking back, we had a lot of fun!”

Making a shared bedroom work for both kids and parents can involve some planning. “We are expecting our third in the fall and we know two of the kids are going to share a room. Figuring out who should share and what will work best is tricky,” says Monica Douglas, Kansas City, MO, mom.

Sharing a bedroom can give your children a great opportunity for bonding and sharing special moments together. It also can help them understand the responsibility of shared space and the impact of their actions on others. “When my kids started sharing a room, my youngest finally started cleaning up his toys on his own. He realized that leaving them out meant his brother might take them or step on them, and it was great to see him putting that together himself and taking responsibility,” says Amy Mackie, Overland Park mom.

Conversely, sharing a room with a sibling can increase the opportunity for fighting over space, toys or personal boundaries. If you are considering having your children share a bedroom, here are a few tips from other metro parents on making the move:

Make sure the timing is right. If a baby is still not sleeping through the night, you are sleep training or you are potty training a toddler who is up to “go” frequently, the timing might not be right yet for room sharing. These are times of transition for the child, and adding additional transitions could be difficult for both child and parents to handle.

Consider personal habits and sleep schedules. If you have two children, there isn’t much decision-making as far as who shares a room. If you have more than two, you have many aspects to consider. Who are your early risers and night owls? Which children have common bedtimes and/or nap schedules? Do you have light sleepers or heavy sleepers? The decision of which two children should room together is best made based on which children will complement each other’s habits and schedules.

Allow for personal space. Make sure each child still gets some choice in the room. Picking out decor, selecting a bedspread or having a place to display artwork can help each child feel a bit of ownership and individuality in a shared space.

Have a plan for discipline and nap times. If both children do not nap, what will the non-napper do during quiet time? Will he or she still have access to the room? If you are a parent who sends a child to his or her room as a discipline measure, what will the co-owner of the room do during these times? The answers can be tricky, but if you plan in advance, these situations will not catch you off guard and you will be able to guide your children through it.

Be prepared for some push-back. Changing bedrooms or bringing another person into your space is a large change for a child. It can impact everything from sleep schedules to temperament during the time of transition. Be prepared for the children to go through adjustments, but if you remain consistent and set expectations, the new normal will work itself out!

Room-Sharing for Opposite Sex Siblings:

• Considering having two siblings of the opposite sex share a bedroom? There are many pros and cons:
• As it does with same-sex siblings, sharing a bedroom can help the children develop skills in compromise and conflict resolution.
• Age matters a bit more with opposite sex siblings—children are usually most comfortable sharing space with a sibling of similar age.
• Individuality is key. Siblings of the opposite sex may have many interests in common, or they may not. Allow each child to express himself and herself in their individual spaces and feel some ownership of the room.
• Be ready for questions. As the children grow older, one or both of them may start noticing differences between them. Just answer honestly and directly.

                  Melissa Bellach is a freelance writer, wife and mom of two living in Overland Park.