✕
☰

Pulled Two Ways

Balancing Life with a NICU Baby and Kids at Home

by

            “My heart is in three places.” Those were the words going through my mind as I drove between the hospital and our home seven years ago. Our family grew by three overnight with the birth of our triplets in 2014. At the time we already had three young children, and because the triplets were born six weeks early, they spent time in the NICU. To make it more difficult, one of the babies was transferred to another hospital where she would have open heart surgery and stay to recover. This left us with three kids at home, two babies in a NICU 10 minutes away and one baby in a different hospital 30 minutes from home. I felt like my heart was broken into three pieces as I would try to split my time equally while weighing who needed me more at any given moment. It was a very challenging time both emotionally and physically.

            According to the National Library of Medicine, between 10 and 15 percent of births result in the baby’s being admitted to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) in the United States. For many parents, the baby in the NICU is not their firstborn, creating the challenge of balancing life at home, work, recovery from childbirth and care for children at home with spending time in the hospital with the baby. Attempting this balancing act creates a lot of stress for everyone involved. Kansas City families who have been in this situation have some priceless information for families who may face this challenge in the future.

Be present

For parents struggling to find a balance between home and the hospital it is always best to remember to focus on the moment. “You can’t be both places at once, as much as you may want to be. It is important to be present in the moment,” says Gardner mother of three Jennifer Rogers. “If I was at home with my older two, that is where my focus and energy went. If I was at the NICU, the baby would be the center of my attention.”

Find a routine that works

Each family is unique and will have different schedules and needs. The key is to find a routine that will work best for you. “My 3-year-old went to daycare during the day, and I spent that time at the NICU. I would spend the evening with my family at home. This helped my 3-year-old feel normal, which transferred to my feeling more normal as well,” says Nathalie McKenzie, mother of two from Kansas City, MO.

Laura Colon, mom of three, shares a different tactic her family used: “My husband and I split the time. He went during the day, and I was usually there at night.”

Distance creates even more challenges, but routine can help there, too. “When my youngest was born at 27 weeks, we lived an hour from the hospital,” says Amber Roudebush, mother of three from Butler, MO. “I would spend all day and night at the hospital and drive home and spend the next day and evening at home. I repeated this process for 58 days.” Figuring out some rhythm for managing this season creates the consistency that will be helpful to young children and give your life a sense of normalcy.

Your baby is in good hands

When you are away from your baby, it’s normal to have feelings of guilt and worry. Rest assured, your child is getting the best care at the hospital with experienced NICU doctors and nurses. “I had to realize my baby was in wonderful hands even when we weren’t with him,” says Jennifer Rogers. “His nurse loved him and cared for him just as well as we would have.” Knowing this makes it easier to focus your time and energy on your older children when you are away.

This too shall pass

As hard as it is to imagine, your child will eventually leave the NICU and begin to grow and gain strength over time. Already having a busy household with older children who need your care adds another dimension of challenge. Keep in mind that, although it seems to drag on forever, this time will pass and become a distant memory. Try to take things one day at a time and do the best you can.

NICU parents tend to have feelings of guilt. There are guilty feelings associated with how much time is spent with the baby (or with older children), whether the mother did something wrong to cause a premature birth, and guilt about not giving your child the “normal” attention that goes along with celebrating a new family member. These feelings are very real, but parents should try to give themselves grace in the situation. Your baby is in good hands with the NICU doctors and nurses, your child’s time spent in the NICU is temporary, and your children at home know you are doing your best. Walking through the experience of having a baby in the NICU is difficult, but soon enough you will be watching your child grow and thrive at home with the older siblings.

How to help a NICU Family

            Friends and family are usually willing to help a family while they face the challenge of having a baby in the NICU, but many are unsure how to lend a hand. Here are some ways to make this difficult time easier for a NICU family, especially one with other kids in the home.

Sources:

Trends in Neonatal Intensive Care Unit Utilization in a Large Integrated Health Care System - PubMed (NIH.gov)

Sarah Lyons is an Olathe mom of six children, including 7-year-old triplets.

As always, please consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns.

Back to topbutton