SAHM vs. Working Moms
Deciding to stay at home with your children or to return back to work is always a difficult decision. It’s a personal choice for you and your family, yet there seems to be so much unnecessary outside commentary from the public and complete strangers. While they might just be trying to make pleasant conversation and really mean no harm, some things just rub the wrong way—and others are downright offensive.
Here are some comments that stay-at-home moms (SAHM) and working moms both agreed they could live without.
Never say to a SAHM…
What do you do with all that free time?
“What do you do if you have free time?” might be a better question to ask a SAHM. There is not one minute of the day unoccupied by some sort of task, chore, errand or objective when at home. Not only are you tending to your home, which is work in itself, but add a newborn or two children under the age of 5 to your responsibilities, and you may find time for a 10-minute shower if you are lucky.
Why don’t you nap when the baby naps?
While this might seem like a good solution to fix an over-exhausted mom, it’s not so simple. “I could sleep when they sleep, but the minute I lie down, my mind is filled with the million things that I need to get done, like laundry and dishes, the lawn that needs to be mowed and what I’m going to make for supper. And usually the moment I fall asleep, someone awakens early or lets me know they never went to sleep,” says Ashley Olsen, Olathe. “If I took everyone up on that advice, as attractive as it sounds, nothing would ever get done.”
It must be nice to not have to work.
Let’s just get this straight. Staying at home with your children is a full-time job. In fact, it’s a 24/7 job. “People think that just because you don’t leave your house, it isn’t considered work. They don’t realize that raising a child is a full-time job. The fundamentals of a human being are taught by the caregiver, which is a huge responsibility,” says Ohemma Wycoff, Kansas City, MO.
Never say to a working mom…
I could never have someone else raise my children.
This could be the most offensive statement anyone could ever say to a working mom, implying that just because a mother is not with her children 100 percent of the time, she doesn’t raise them. While a mother might be gone from 8:00 to 5:00 Monday to Friday, she is still there at night, tending to them when they are sick, scheduling appointments and attending extracurricular activities. “It really bothers me when people tell me that they would never let anyone else raise their kids. They say it in such disapproving tones. Their judgment and comments are not welcomed or needed. They have no idea what our family dynamic is,” says Kim Mortenson, Olathe.
We made the financial sacrifice so I could stay home.
This comment insinuates that all moms who work do so because they financially have to, which is not the case. Some women have put too much hard work and dedication into their professional careers to just walk away from them half way. Other working moms love their jobs and would be miserable at home (not all mothers were designed to stay at home). Other women have taken pay cuts and given up promotions to be able to be more present in their children’s lives.
When are you ever home?
“They might as well be telling me that my house must be a mess and that I miss birthdays because I spend too much time at the office and I don’t have my priorities in order, which is not the case,” says Lauren Hanshaw, Overland Park. Families that have both parents working are proven to be more efficient delegating household work and have the capability to see what needs to be outsourced and what needs to just be let go.
Jennifer Duxbury is a SAHM from Belton, who takes naps when her son naps and lounges in her PJs all day wondering what to do with all her free time!