Say the Right Thing
When I was growing up, sports were a big part of my life. Little did I know then my years on a basketball court would help prepare me for parenthood. Yet they have. And interestingly enough, what stands out to me as I journey through parenthood raising my three daughters is not the hard-fought victories or game winning shots, but the repeated go-to phrases and idioms coaches used to mentally train us to be successful individuals on and off the court. One phrase in particular was “remember who you are and where you came from.” This one line had the power to instill pride, honor and respectability in the hearts of a busload of unruly tweens, and it still carries meaning for me today as I’m challenged to impart a sense of self-worth to my own daughters.
Finding ways to simplify your words while loading them with meaning may just be your ticket out of the land of nagging and into the domain of happier parents and kids. Whether you are chasing toddlers or carpooling teenagers, your words are significant and will remain with your children for years, maybe generations, to come—so why not make the most of them? Remember, much of the success of these suggested phrases hinges on their being spoken in a sarcasm-free, compassionate tone.
Kids are masterful at reeling parents into arguments and negotiations to get what they want (or at least they try to be). How many times do your children ask the same questions over and over because they don’t like your response or just weren’t listening? Here is a list of suggestions to help curtail the negotiation talks and move into a whine-free zone.
“Interesting thoughts. Ask me again after you take out the trash.”“Respect my no, please.”“Trash.” (Give one-word chore reminders and fight the urge to elaborate.)“Let’s pick a better time and place to discuss that.”“What are you going to do about that?”“That is a problem, I agree. Let me know how it turns out for you.”“Bored means you need more business. I’ll fix that.” (kid business = household responsibilities)“Slow obedience is no obedience.”
Other phrases come from principles that affect everyday life situations. Olathe mom Tasha Cook encourages her three kids to follow the principle “we are called to do what is right, not what is easy.” Cook says, “These words apply to a variety of situations, whether they be conflicts at school, complaining or sibling rivalry.” Consider your family’s core principles and how you can attach memorable phrases to guide your parenting language.
“We don’t stop trying just because it’s hard.”“You’re a (insert your last name), and we don’t give up.”“You’re not who your friends say you are.”“You are (child’s name) no matter where you are or who you’re with.”“Do what you have to do, then you can do what you want to do.”“There is no excuse for poor behavior.”
Overland Park mom April Tebbe, has been known to sing her way out of frustrating moments with her 3- and 5-year-olds. Tebbe says, “I sing the chorus of ‘We are the Champions’ by Queen whenever they start fussing about something, like brushing teeth. It’s a good loud song, a distraction for them and me, and eventually they join in.” For a guaranteed eye roll and huffy breath, try singing the Rolling Stones’ line “You can’t always get what you want.”
Our words have power in our children’s lives. The time to influence and train them to be successful contributors in the game of life is limited. Consider your family’s current expressions and whether they are achieving the desired results. If not, try out a new phrase or two and see how they fit. Language that builds integrity, trust and respect for themselves and others takes consistency and intentionality, but the payoff is exponential.
10 Tell-Tale Signs You’re Stuck in a Parental Idiom Rut
- “Were you born in a barn?”
- “Because I said so.”
- “I’ll give you something to get cry about.”
- “Because I am your mother/father!
- “Don’t get smart with me!”
- “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
- “Don’t look at me in that tone of voice!”
- “Don’t make me pull this car over!”
- “I don’t care who started it. I’m ending it.”
- “This hurts me more than it hurts you.”
Jena Meyerpeter writes from Lenexa and remembers her grandmother’s favorite expression, “You’ll just have to get glad in the same pants you got mad in.”