Sticking to the Curfew
They’re here: the years you may or may not have been looking forward to since the birth of your child. Your little sweetheart is now a tween or teen. Play dates at home have now been replaced with pleas to go to movies, school dances and sports games with friends. All this calls for…the dreaded curfew!
The good news is curfews really aren’t that dreadful. Sure, your tween or teen may not like them, but over time, the limits will have their benefits.
“Curfews benefit your teen socially, legally and will help him with smart decision-making,” says Lori Streu, school counselor for Liberty Academy/Liberty High School.
Streu says it’s important to start a curfew as soon as your child is out having a social life of his own, usually around the ages of 12 or 13.
“When you start letting your child go out and have a little freedom, you have to add restrictions to that freedom so that there aren’t questions later on when they’re a little older and start going out alone,” she says. “The younger you do it, the less resistance and more collaboration you’ll get with your teenager. Teens don’t want to feel ruled over; they want to feel collaborated with.”
Liberty mom Rita Lawson says she started the idea of curfews with her oldest son, now 20, when he was really young.
“He’s always had some sort of a curfew, even when he was younger. For instance, if it was a weekend, he could only stay up until a certain time,” she says. “The real curfews started around the time he was in middle school. We’re strict about curfews. I follow my own mom’s advice of, ‘No ifs, ands or buts.’ Luckily, he’s never failed on our system.”
Parkville mom Robin Chevalier says that on the occasions her teenage son is out, she looks carefully at each event when deciding on a curfew time.
“Our teenager does not have his own car yet, so many of his social activities are school-related or within the neighborhood. However, on the occasions that he is out, we look at each event independently. For example, what the activity is, who is involved, the level of adult supervision at the activity, and then we decide on the curfew that evening,” she says.
Once the curfew is set, make sure you know what will happen if your child comes home after the curfew time. And make sure your child knows, too.
“Every so often, your child will be late, so you have to follow through with the discipline that needs to come with it,” Streu says. “Be consistent. Begin this early on, and they’ll fall into line quicker and you’ll have less of a problem. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and be the parent. Adhere to the rules you set forth and follow through. Don’t let it slide even once.”
Streu also stresses the importance of getting to know your teen’s friends when discussing curfew times.
“It makes is easier all along, and it helps to make a better judgment of when your teen needs to be home,” she says.
Gina Klein is a freelance and fiction writer who resides in Kansas City with her husband, two daughters and two canines.