Teaching Responsibility

Becoming a responsible adult is not something that happens overnight. It takes time to build the character qualities that are essential to being a conscientious, dependable adult. Beginning to teach those qualities at a young age is crucial.

We’ve all had children point the blame on someone else, rather than face the consequences that come with decisions. Megan DiLonardo, preschool teacher at Blue Jay Junction at Liberty High School, notices this behavior as young children start preschool. She utilizes a program called Positive Behavior Support to help emphasize responsibility to young children.

DiLonardo explains some of the ways the program works: “I ask the kids, ‘Are we being safe with our feet when we kick? It is our responsibility to have safe feet. How can we do that? Are we using kind words to our friends? How does it feel to have unkind words spoken to us?’ It is all about always putting the responsibility back on the child.” DiLonardo sees an increase in responsibility with her preschool children as the year goes on.

Valerie Hanssen, Kearney mother of three, says for her, starting early in teaching responsibility is important. “If children start doing little jobs while they are young, it will become a normal part of their routine as they become older. Kids will feel a sense of pride and accomplishment for their part in taking care of the household.”

Simple ways to do this when children are small range from picking up toys to dusting the coffee table or helping empty the dishwasher. Start young with appropriate chores, then increase the difficulty as they age.

Hanssen is also a kindergarten teacher in Kearney and takes basic steps to instill responsibility in her students from the beginning of the year.

“I strive to teach responsibility to my students by requiring them to clean up their table after eating snacks or making a project before they are allowed to play at various centers. After playtime is over, my students know that they must put away all the toys, books, puzzles, etc., before they sit back down. At the end of the day, each student is responsible for taking home their folder which contains papers and notes for their parents,” Hanssen said.

While these steps may seem simple, they can go a long way to creating a habit of responsibility.

Amy Looper, Kearney mother of four, says that chore charts have helped her teach responsibility to her children. Jobs on the chore chart might include cooking one night, clearing off the dinner table, dusting, vacuuming and cleaning the bathrooms. Looper’s children all received laptops for Christmas, and she say, “They may not play on the computer until their room is clean, chores are done and homework is done. It seems to be working pretty well because they love their computers!”

Having a reward or a consequence helps emphasize to younger ones they have a job to do and helps promote accountability.

An additional key way to teach responsibility is to model that for our children. “Parents admitting they are wrong, not texting while driving, speaking kindly about others, not throwing blame, supporting teachers,” DiLonardo says. “Hard work pays off as your kids see you take responsibility for your own actions.” She feels that everyone should be held accountable for behaviors, and parents’ modeling this behavior is significant.

Krisha Klug also thinks that parents’ setting the example is what teaches children about responsibility. Klug, a Liberty mother of three, says, “If they see us make poor choices the potential for the downward spiral continues. Take work attendance for example...if our kids hear us call in to work and say how we need a mental health day or we lie about being sick, that is teaching them that it’s ok to do ‘what makes me happy’ regardless of the impact or consequence that results.”

Klug emphasizes these points with her children by having age-appropriate chores for them, as well as teaching financial responsibility by having a “Summer Fun Money” jar.

But above all, Klug says that children are constantly influenced by what they see, hear and feel. As parents, we have the job of molding them to be responsible, hardworking and successful contributors to the future. What shape will your children be in the future?

Additional ways to help children learn responsibility:

• Consequences: Don’t write a note excusing them from homework or run that lost library book up to school. Let the child deal with the consequences.

• Model responsible behavior yourself

• At an early age, give them an allowance. It’s important to let them spend it or save it as they see fit. Don’t help them out if they run out of money.

• Don’t get a cell phone with unlimited text and talk. Buy a pre-paid plan where they can put money on it, and let them work up to the reward of unlimited text and talk.

• Praise them when they are responsible and do things correctly. This will go a long way to promoting a positive attitude.

Jennifer Higgins is a freelance writer, teacher, wife and mother from Kearney, MO.