The Case for Quiet
Why Being Bored Isn’t Such a Bad Thing
Remember your childhood when you had nowhere to go and nothing to do? Boredom forced you to create your own fun, allowed you to invent new games, stare out the window and daydream or explore the outdoors. Unfortunately, these special, quiet times from the past have been replaced by today’s hurried lifestyles and families who never slow down. You know the ones: gone from morning till night, running from one activity to the next and practically living off of fast food. ‘Go, go, go’ has become the mantra in a good portion of today’s households, with the belief that children need to stay busy to stay out of trouble or to become successful. But when do these children have the quiet time they need to rest and process the day’s events?
Downtime seems to have become a forgotten art in today’s busy, activity- and technology-driven world. Not only are children overscheduled with activities, but everywhere they go, technology follows. Music plays in nearly every store, cell phones ring, text messages pop up and computers and video games await to fill the little free time left in the day. Quiet time has become scarce, and without it, children may never learn how to relax.
“Like adults, kids get tired and need rest. It helps with brain development,” says Dr. Chris Cornine, licensed professional counselor in Missouri and licensed clinical psychologist in Illinois. “If a child is constantly stimulated, at some level her brain never wires itself to tolerate downtime. So, as an adult, she won’t know how to wire down.”
It’s true: Children do need time to be bored. They need quiet time to be creative, reflect and explore their world. This gives them the skills they need to self-regulate and offers benefits that may protect against anxiety and stress, common side effects of overscheduled lifestyles.
Olathe mom Tina Alstatt says she instills quiet time in her home not only for the benefit of her five children, but for her own sanity, as well. “It gives the kids a break from one another and teaches them that they’re okay if they’re alone,” Alstatt says. “It’s important they have the time to be themselves and relax with no pressures from parents or siblings.”
“My wife and I have a designated time every day where the kids know it’s quiet time,” Cornine says. “The goal is to train them to know when quiet time is every day and stick to it on a regular basis. This helps children predict their day.”
How is a parent to build in quiet time in their already-busy schedule? The first step is to limit extracurricular activities. Too many activities and places to be can cause children to burn out and become fatigued, which can have an effect on them socially and educationally. And by not eating dinner with or seeing family members until bedtime, Cornine says children may fail to build healthy relationships with parents.
“It’s important to limit activities to one major activity per season. Too many will overstimulate,” Cornine says.
“We try to limit our kids to one activity at a time,” Alstatt says. “We want their childhood to be fun, and we want them to enjoy the activity they’re participating in.”
Once the activities in your household are figured out, it’s time to work in a regular schedule of quiet time--and stick to it. If a child no longer naps, then send her off to her bedroom for up to an hour with a quiet activity. Books, coloring books, art supplies and puzzles are some great examples of quiet time activities. Try to avoid computers, video games and television. This will help your child learn to entertain herself and be less needy.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, “When play is allowed to be child-driven, children practice decision-making skills, move at their own pace, discover their own areas of interest and ultimately engage fully in the passions they wish to pursue.” When adults are always in control of a child’s play, the child can miss out on some of the benefits playtime offers.
Quiet time. Downtime. Playtime. Whatever you wish to call it, it’s one of the joys of childhood and something every child needs. But don’t forget about you, too. Once your child is happily engaged in a quiet-time activity, sit back, relax and read a good book. After all, parents need downtime too. So, turn off the electronics and enjoy your time to be you.
Leisure
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
~W.H. Davies
Gina Klein writes from her home in Kansas City and is thankful thatquiet time is a normal part of her family’s routine.