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Tips for Inspiring Conversation with Your Kids

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Having meaningful conversations with your kids can be tough. We’ve all asked, “How was your day?” and received the dreaded one-word replies of “Good” and “Fine.” Here are a few tips to inspire good conversation and get your kids to open up to you with more than those generic single-syllable replies.  

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Instead of asking questions that can be answered with just one word, ask open-ended questions. Ask kids what their favorite parts of the day were or what they did with their best friends that day. When they answer, continue the conversation with follow-up questions.

Remove Distractions

Take time to fully engage with your child during conversations and, most importantly, listen to him. That means turn off the television, cell phone and tablets, and give him full eye contact. If the phone rings, let it can wait until after your conversation. Giving your child your full attention demonstrates that you respect him and what he has to say is important to you.

Make It a Habit

Take time every day to have a conversation with your kids. The time of day is different for everyone. For some, the prime opportunity is on the ride to and from school. Others converse best as a family at the dinner table. Some families even go around the table, each person sharing the best and worst part of his day. This becomes a habit and keeps the conversation going throughout the entire meal. I’ve noticed my daughter is usually excited to tell me about her school day on the ride home from school. However, at bedtime when we’re snuggling, she opens up to me about deeper things she’s been thinking about all day. That’s when we have the best conversations. Take notice of when your kids feel the most comfortable opening up to you.

Know What’s Going On

My daughter’s teacher sends a daily email letting us know what they learned that day, as well as fun things that happened. These emails are amazing, and I make it a priority to read the email before I pick her up from school. I’ve realized if I didn’t read up on some of the interesting things they did in the classroom that day, my daughter doesn’t think to mention them to me most of the time. Now I can say, “Did something special happen at recess today?” Usually she will get excited and tell me all about what was special that day. If your child’s teacher doesn’t send emails, try reading school newsletters, asking the teacher about the day when you pick your child up or getting to know your children’s friends and their parents.

Open Up About Your Day

Conversations are a two-way street. When you ask too many questions, kids may feel like they’re being interrogated. Open up and talk to them about your day. They love to hear what you did while they were in school. Speak with your spouse about his day in front of your children too. Modeling good communication with your spouse will encourage children to join in on the conversation each day. Before your know it, your kids will start asking, “How was your day, Dad?” and “What did you do at work today, Mom?”

Spend One-on-One Time Together

Going for a walk, cooking together or just watching a movie can help inspire conversation. When you’re doing something together, teens are much more likely to open up. In a laid-back setting, they might start a conversation with you that is much more meaningful to them than answering the many questions you ask them after school every day. Sometimes just letting kids know you’re there to talk can be the best advice, and when they’re comfortable, they will start the conversation.

 

Try out these 20 conversation-starters at the dinner table:

Regan Lyons is a freelance writer who lives in St. Joseph, MO, with her husband and 4-year-old daughter.

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