Ways to Encourage Independence Every Day

Although some of you parents out there may not want to hear it, your children are going to grow up. It’s true! They’re going to become teenagers one day, and once that stage is done, they’ll take off to college and enter adulthood. It can be a scary thought for sure, but what’s even scarier is that some children out there will grow up without knowing the first thing about being on their own.

Children crave independence from an early age. They want to do things on their own and feel competent. And although some parents do a great job encouraging their children to do things for themselves, others back away from their children’s desires for independence because they don’t want their babies to grow up. The truth of the matter is this: When you encourage a child to do things for himself, his self-confidence improves.

Here are a few great tips to encourage independence at different stages in your child’s life:

• Ages 2 and 3: When your toddler is curious about exploring and can leave your side for short periods of time, this is a sign he is ready to stretch his wings. Encourage his curiosity, but be sure to supervise closely at all times.
• Ages 4 and 5: At this age, your child is probably ready to play on the sidewalk or in the front yard without you right by her side. Keep an eye on her and make sure she knows not to wander off. You can draw a line with sidewalk chalk on the driveway to let her know her boundaries in which she can play.
• Ages 5 and 6: Is your child good at following directions? If so, he is probably ready to try walking to a nearby friend’s house by himself. Arrange a play date with his friend’s parent, and then tell your child exactly what to do. Be sure to watch him from your front door or porch until he arrives (or have his friend’s parent call you when he arrives), and remind him that he cannot leave or go to another house. When it’s time for him to return home, tell him to call you (or have the parent call you) to let you know when he’s on his way home so you can watch out for him.
• Ages 7 and 8: This may be a good age to begin letting your child cross the street by herself, especially if she has good impulse control and the patience to make sure no cars are coming. But don’t just let her go off on her own right away. First, be sure she knows the basics well, such as looking both ways before crossing and not running between cars in a parking lot. Regardless of how experienced you think she may be, practice with her on a quiet road. Have her cross the road with you following behind her for a couple of weeks. Then have her practice crossing by herself and meeting you on the other side. If you live on a busy street with a lot of traffic, however, wait until she is over the age of 10.
• Ages 10 and up: Children over the age of 10 who behave well at home and consistently follow safety rules (i.e., not opening the door to strangers) may be ready to stay home for short durations of time by themselves. Begin with brief outings, 20 to 30 minutes. Be sure your child has your phone number and knows how to call you and leave a voice mail message. Post emergency numbers where he can see them and be sure he knows how the locks on all of the doors work. Also, be very clear on what he can and cannot do while you’re away. Tell him when you will return and then be on time.
• Ages 13 and up: The teen years may seem a little more daunting, only because your teenager will want more independence and time away from the house. Just breathe, folks. Begin by giving your young teen jobs around the house to prepare her for the working world. Regular household chores are great to start with, and babysitting jobs will give kids skills for their futures. And when your teen reaches the legal working age, encourage her to get a part-time (or summer) job. This can lead into lessons on money management, another great way to help kids feel competent when they do leave home.

Kansas City mom and author Gina Klein makes her two daughters responsible for chores each day. Chores are written on their chore chart to alleviate the need for constant reminders.