Why Quitting Can Actually Be Good for Kids

“I don’t wanna practice piano!

“I hate soccer!”

Most parents have heard some version of these complaints from their children. As kids grow up they are bound to try out activities that they don’t enjoy. As parents we worry about letting them quit these activities. Will they grow up to be a “quitter” and never follow through on anything? Will they miss out on academic, social or health benefits if they quit?

It may surprise you to learn that there are many reasons why quitting can actually be good for kids. Next time your child ends up in an activity that is not a good fit for him, keep in mind that quitting can sometimes be the best option for both your child and your family.

To avoid dealing with a child who wants to quit something in the first place, it’s important to use good judgment when signing kids up for activities. With younger kids who are trying out a variety of sports, activities and lessons, try to choose programs with a short time commitment. Signing up for four weeks of karate lessons is a great way for a child to try it out to see whether it’s a good fit. Committing to two practices a week for six months may not be the best choice for any new activity. Give kids a natural “out” when they are trying something new and only continue on if they enjoy it.

Also, as children get older, they really should have the final say in what activities they are involved in. Don’t sign kids up for lessons just because you think they may like it or because you want them to like it…ask them. Talk about the commitment beforehand and make sure they are prepared for the work involved. Make sure they know what they will be giving up to participate (free time, other activities, etc.). Make a real effort not to over-program your children so they don’t end up hating all of their activities.

But what about those times when your child is miserable despite your best efforts? First, talk to him about WHY he wants to quit. Does he just not like the activity as much as he thought he would? Does he feel like he isn’t any good at it? Does he not gel with the teacher? Are other kids on the team being unkind? Find the REAL reason that your child wants to quit before you throw in the towel. If it’s a mismatch with the teacher or other kids on the team, then you may be able to find another option that will be a better fit for him and allow him to continue an activity that he enjoys. If he feels like he isn’t good at something, extra practice or lessons or a less competitive league may do the trick.

If kids just don’t enjoy the activity, then it is okay to let them quit. Yes, it’s really okay. As local mom Elona Charney says, “We all have things we've quit, and being okay with cutting our losses when something isn't worth it is just as important as toughing out a situation when something IS worth it.” Quitting an activity that no longer brings a child joy can teach him to set priorities in life and to work toward the things he loves the most, leaving behind those things that don’t lead him toward achieving those goals.

Forcing children to participate in activities that they don’t enjoy can rob them of joy in their lives now and, worse, can turn them off of those types of activities in the future because of the bad experience they had as children. Letting your children take a break from their activities can also sometimes lead to their developing a new appreciation for that activity—or at least allow them to move on without feeling angry and defeated. They will be more likely to try new things if they know that they will be allowed to make a thoughtful decision about whether to continue them.

Once you allow your child to quit an activity, move on. Help him find a new passion. Don’t dwell on the past or try to make him feel bad for quitting. Don’t worry that he will grow up to be a “quitter” just because he didn’t like this one activity. He may not be a concert pianist or a Major League Baseball player, but he will grow up to be a well-rounded adult with good memories of his childhood.

Sara Keenan lives in Brookside with her husband and two children. She quit gymnastics, basketball and karate as a kid, but she’s really glad that she stuck with piano and tennis!