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Worry-Proof Your Child

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    Every morning before school, Megyn Joyce worries about her lunch. She worries whether her mom has packed her utensils, drink and napkin. She worries whether she has remembered to put her lunchbox in her backpack. If she plans to buy a school lunch, she worries about what they will be serving--even though she is not a picky eater. 

    Megyn isn't trying to drive her mom crazy. She's one of many children who suffer with excessive worry and anxiety. Lunch may seem like a small thing to worry over, but it's a big thing to Megyn—and she isn't alone. An estimated 10 to 15 percent of American children meet the diagnostic criteria for an anxiety disorder. "Anxiety doesn't just go away," says Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., founder of The Children's Center for OCD and Anxiety. "If left untreated it becomes more and more debilitating."

The Natural-Born Worrier 

    Oftentimes, parents of children who are worriers notice the trait very early in life, as early as toddlerhood. This was my experience with my own daughter—from 2 or 3 years old she expressed anxiety over artwork not looking "perfect" or things not going as she had anticipated. Worries are “what-ifs” projected into the future – and often an attempt to prepare and feel in control, says Paul Foxman, author of “The Worried Child” and a psychologist and director of the Vermont Center for Anxiety Disorders. 

    Children prone to worry often share other personality traits: they tend to be perfectionists, very sensitive to being criticized and often have a hard time relaxing. Worriers usually have a strong need to control things in their lives. They can be highly sensitive to their own body’s signals and to people and things in the environment around them. Their feelings may be easily hurt, and they may have a strong desire to please others. 

    This anxiety personality style does have positives, says Foxman. These kids are usually high achievers in school. They are often caring and kind toward friends and peers and very sensitive to others’ feelings. If they’re not the shy type, you’ll find them in leadership positions in their schools and communities.

Raising a Worry-Free Kid 

    How can you know whether that fear of monsters under the bed is a run-of-the-mill phase or something more? Tamar Chansky, founder of The Children’s Center for OCD and Anxiety, has a guideline for parents. She says, "Developmental fears begin resolving within weeks and get less elaborate with time. Anxiety, on the other hand, becomes more entrenched and generalizes. Rather than feeling like you're moving through a phase, you feel like you are sinking deeper and deeper into a hole." 

    If you suspect your child may be worrying too much, Chansky’s first advice is to schedule a consultation with a child psychologist on your own. The professional will be able to “help you determine if you need to go further (by bringing your child in), or if some parenting strategies specifically for anxious kids will be sufficient,” she says. “It is better to address a problem when it is small than to wait until a child is truly suffering and there is no question that help is needed.” 

    If you’re sure that your child’s worry is mild enough that professional therapy is not needed, some strategies can help him or her alleviate worry in the short-term and develop the flexibility and resilience needed to deal with ongoing stresses of life.

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