When a Parent Travels

Nowadays it is not uncommon for a parent—mom or dad—to travel weekly or to be gone for an extended amount of time due to work. The absence of a parent can have a great impact on children, causing separation anxiety, depression or discipline problems.

The good news is that there is no negative effect on a child’s development if this process is handled with care, open communication, planning and understanding of everyone’s needs. The household can still operate functionally and happily.

Before Leaving

Children need a concrete explanation of why a parent is going away. For a 3-, 4- or 5-year-old, a real fear can exist that Mommy is leaving because of the child’s misbehavior or that Daddy is never coming back. Sit down with your child and be very specific about why you are leaving. Tell him how long you will be away, show him pictures of where you are staying and let him ask you questions about your trip. Explain to him who will be taking care of him and review what he will be doing while you are gone.

“I always let my daughter help me pack for my trip. This makes her feel involved and so important,” says Lori Anderson from Overland Park.

Never sneak off without saying good-bye. While you might think this will be easier on your child, this causes an opposite effect, instilling a sense of instability and abandonment. If leaving before she wakes in the morning, make sure you say your good-byes the night before.

While Away

It’s important for the child’s caregiver to stick to a routine while Mom or Dad is away; schedules are very important to children, and they thrive on them. Children between the ages of 4 and 8 rely on routine and rituals to help them feel secure. While it might be tempting for the caregiver to overcompensate with special treatment while the parent is away, it backfires when the parent returns, leaving the parent to reestablish the regular routine and discipline again.

Some children may behave very well with the caregiver and might not seem to miss their parent. But when the parent returns, those same children might release all the pent up anxiety and anger and refuse to even give their parent a hug or let them out of their sight upon returning. This behavior is considered normal and will subside. “I couldn’t leave the house to take the garbage out without my son thinking I was never coming back. He wanted to go everywhere with me,” says Steven Connors from Lee’s Summit.

While away, make every effort to contact your child if you are able. Call kids personally on the phone, Skype them, send them a postcard or pictures of the places you are visiting.

Returning

Upon returning home, be aware you might not get the response you thought you would. Your child might be standoffish or clingy to the other parent or caregiver. He might have been perfectly behaved while you were away only to fall apart when you return. “My son was on his best behavior when his dad traveled, but the moment he got home, he wanted nothing to do with me, almost mean acting,” says Arlene Bishop, Prairie Village.

You may face the temptation to completely immerse yourself in all of your child’s activities because you have missed out and want to spend time with her, but it might be overwhelming to her. Be sensitive to find a way to get back into your child’s life that is comfortable for both of you.

Recognizing and talking about the emotions your child has while the other parent travels will help reduce the stress and anxiety your child may experience and assure him that what he feels is normal.  This will be better for you and your family unit in the long run.

Jennifer Duxbury is a SAHM from Olathe, whose husband travels weekly for work and knows first-hand how it affects their child and household.