From Greedy to Grateful
When my 5-year-old firstborn was placed on Santa’s lap and asked what he wanted for Christmas, he looked deep into Santa’s eyes and uttered those words that every parent yearns to hear: “I have all that I need, Santa. I just enjoy seeing you!” I was reassured that my husband and I must be doing something right. The next year, however, something changed. Instead of a similar response, my 6-year-old came equipped with a long wish list to present to St. Nick, all organized in sequence of priority. It wasn’t long after Christmas presents were opened that I found Post-it’s throughout the house with reminders of what he would like for his birthday—which was a full six months away!
As my son’s lists grew, so did my concern. What had changed in a year’s time? According to Tim Kasser, Ph.D., psychology professor and author of The High Price of Materialism, my son is not alone. “When 5- and 6-year-olds start kindergarten, they’re typically spending more time with friends, so they’re becoming increasingly exposed to all the merchandise out there,” he says. Kasser also says culture bombards our kids with the idea that materialism is the path to happiness while, at the same time, youngsters are developing a social awareness that inclines them to constantly compare themselves to others. It’s no wonder a child’s list can grow as they do! No one wants to raise an ungrateful child, though. Here are some ways to combat the gimmes in your home!
Tune It Out. TV advertising is a formidable force to be reckoned with, and children are particularly vulnerable. That multiple studies have concluded the more television a child watches the more stuff he wants isn’t surprising. Take precautionary measures by encouraging your children to adopt a healthy skepticism toward consumer advertising and limiting their exposure by turning to media alternatives such as Netflix and DVDs, where they can watch their favorite shows without commercials.
Presence over Presents. Many a grandparent adopts the mantra: “Spoil the grandkids and send them home!” Unfortunately, this well-intentioned philosophy can incline your children to look at Grandma and Grandpa as present generators. If this is the case with your parents or in-laws, have a heart-to-heart talk to let them know how much you appreciate their generosity but are concerned with your child’s behavior. Brainstorm together ways to limit gifts coming in and instead encourage outings together where memories are placed over things.
Choose Joy. One of the most effective things we can do to combat greediness is to instead train our kids to adopt a spirit of thanksgiving. According to Christine Carter, Ph.D., grateful children grow into happier adults. And, fortunately, thankfulness is not a fixed trait! In her book Raising Happiness, Carter says “Pioneering social scientists think that 40 percent of our happiness comes from intentional, chosen activities throughout the day….a skill that can be cultivated, like kicking a ball or speaking French.” Have your children write thank you’s when they receive gifts, compliment good traits you see in them and encourage them to do the same with others around them.
Lauren Greenlee tries to instill an attitude of gratitude in her three young boys. She writes from her Olathe home.