Anger

Anger has its upside, just as any emotion does. I’ve heard that anger is an emotional immune response. It signals when something in our lives might be wrong or amiss. It cues us to injustice, and its intense energy can be directed for the good, inspiring us to speak up, confront what’s wrong and instigate change. This is anger turned tonic, setting in motion a healing response.

But anger has a downside when its energy gets stuck. When we try to stuff it, anger festers and stews in the form of grudges and resentment. When we direct it outward, anger erupts into aggression, causing physical and emotional harm. This is anger turned toxic, creating disorder within us and the world around us.

Some of us have learned that we’re supposed to “vent” anger, trying to force its energy outward by going off on a loud rant, punching a pillow or verbally complaining. Studies now show this only ratchets it up and has detrimental effects on our physical health. So what can we do with anger that feels toxic and wears us down? Here are a few tips to get a grip on anger before you lose your grip.

Welcome Anger

When’s the last time you felt angry? Recall the situation. Now, notice the sensations that this memory creates inside your body, and describe them in detail: “My cheeks are hot, my lungs feel tight, my jaw is clenched, my heart is pumping fast … ” Notice these sensations without judgment or resistance, and breathe into these areas of your body. Spend a minute welcoming the sensations of anger. This simple exercise begins to release it.

Move Fast or Slow

Exercise is one of the healthiest means of getting anger unstuck and flowing through your body. Move fast to increase your heart rate and burn off some of anger’s pent-up energy. Or conversely, slow your anger down by deep breathing, yoga or meditation. I like to breathe in for three, and out for four, and repeat this three times. When the energy of anger is stagnant, or when you feel triggered, remember to move fast or slow.

Have a Trigger Plan

Become more aware of specific moments when you feel angry. Often, there’s something that sparks it, called a “trigger.” Common triggers include certain people and places, times of the day (or month!), even sensations like being tired, hot or hungry. Write your triggers down on paper and, next to each one, write a plan for how you want to show up in that situation. Decide ahead of time on a conscious response, rather than an unconscious reaction.

Wendy Connelly, M.Div., is a podcaster (MoJo for Moms podcast), life coach and mother of two from Overland Park. You can find Wendy’s latest podcasts, TV appearances, retreats and more at MoJoForMoms.com.