Fear of Missing Out

During the COVID-19 pandemic, medical experts have strongly advised safety measures of physical distancing, wearing masks in public and, whenever possible, staying home. As a citizen in our community who cares about my neighbors, I see it as part of my civic duty to adhere to these guidelines as much as possible. But as a mom, encouraging my family to physically distance can be a challenge, especially now that pools are open, camps are in full swing, and the majority of people in our circle of friends are back to living normal, carefree lives. For families who choose a more cautious approach, like mine, fear of missing out (FOMO) can kick in as the world moves on without us. If your kids have a bad case of FOMO this summer, here are a few strategies to help.

“In our family…”

“Moooom, why can’t WE go to the pool? Charlie’s family gets to!”

Sound familiar? When kids don’t get their way, making comparisons with other families is often a surefire, go-to strategy to twist a parent’s arm. Why? Because it works. We don’t want to be the boring mom among peers who throws a wet blanket on our kids’ summer fun. Instead of succumbing to peer-pressure-by-proxy, keep this one phrase handy: “In our family, we…” Your pool plea response? “I see that they’re having a playdate at the pool, honey, but in our family, we stay home. Maybe we can run through the sprinklers and have a water balloon fight.”

I can’t vs. I don’t

Researchers at the University of Houston and Boston College found a powerful difference between the phrases “I can’t” and “I don’t.” “I can’t” is experienced as disempowering, undermining our sense of freedom and agency. Making a subtle shift to “I don’t,” on the other hand, is experienced as an expression of self-determination and strength. In a study in which participants were encouraged to use either “I can’t” or “I don’t” language, then tempted to lapse from a fitness goal, 80 percent of the “I don’t” group avoided the temptation, versus only 10 percent of the “I can’t” group. Encourage your family to make the subtle shift from “we can’t” to “we don’t” to feel more empowered.

FOMO to JOMO

Missing out is not always a bad thing, and for families, it has its perks. Due to the pandemic, our family has been forced to spend more time together: taking walks and bike rides, playing card games and driveway pickleball, having picnics outdoors with Grandma. We’ve baked together, taken up loom knitting, kayaked, camped and created a family kazoo orchestra. Instead of lamenting all that we are missing out on, I’m trying to shift my focus to the wonderful things we get to do all hunkered down at home. With small doses of gratitude, we get to relish the joy of missing out (JOMO), together.

Wendy Connelly, M.Div., lives in Overland Park with her husband and two kids.