✕
☰

Calming the Butterflies

by

Your child may feel “butterflies in his tummy” if he has a big event coming up such as an important test, a piano recital or even the first day of school. Feeling nervous is normal when kids are facing performing or speaking in front of a group of people, going to an upcoming dentist or doctor appointment, or trying to meet the pressure to do well on a test or at a sporting event. Many adults find themselves feeling nervous for similar events at work or in the community. Even though nerves are common, parents can help kids calm the butterflies and be successful.

 

Model calming behavior

Watching our child battle nervous feelings can be difficult for us parents—and even may cause us to feel anxious and worried ourselves. Kids can sense this and may grow more panicked as a result. Model calming behavior to your child. Speak in a calm voice, try not to rush and do keep your chit chat positive and encouraging.

 

Prepare and discuss

Prior to the big day, discuss what your child can expect. “We spend time talking about the event a few days before. I allow them to ask questions and understand what to expect throughout the process,” says Lauren Heller, mother of twins. This is a great opportunity to discuss with your child what his specific worries are and help him work through them in a healthy way. Rodganna Avery, mother of three, says, “We talk about what to expect and how to handle it. We also try to find books on the topic from the library.”

 

Relaxation techniques

If you find your child is nervous often, sit down ahead of time and discuss some relaxation techniques that can be helpful in calming butterflies when they arise. “I taught my daughter to take slow deep breaths and to pretend she was somewhere else,” says Krystal Laws, mother of seven. Some other relaxation techniques may include stretching, reading a book, sipping a favorite drink, listening to music or talking to a friend. Many kids find physical activity relaxing. Encourage your child to take a short walk or jog, do jumping jacks, shoot hoops or play on the swing set. These activities will help your child release some nervous energy. Once your child has found a relaxation technique that works for him, he will have a tool in his back pocket when nerves arise.

 

Visualize and problem solve

If your child is nervous about an upcoming recital, performance or game, have her sit still, close her eyes and visualize each step of the upcoming event and how it will go. Picture a positive outcome with everything going smoothly. During the visualization process, address any obstacles your child may foresee. “Before an ice skating performance, we consider what would happen if she fell—just get back up, no big deal,” says Jane Hammond, Olathe mom of three. Problem solve with your child how she can overcome any of the challenges she may be worrying about.

 

As the big day approaches, set your child up for success with a good night’s rest and a healthy diet before the event. This will help him feel he is at his best when the butterflies arrive. Explain to your child that even adults get nervous about situations and these feelings are normal. Children tend to feel more secure in new situations when they know they have your support and understanding along the way.

           

Symptoms of anxiety in children

While some nervousness is normal in children, kids may suffer from extreme anxiety that negatively affects their day-to-day lives. If your child is experiencing the following symptoms, it may be time to seek additional help:

If you believe your child may have an anxiety disorder, seek professional help for an official diagnosis and support. In the meantime, continue to be supportive and patient with your child and let him know you will help him work through these challenges.

 

Sarah Lyons lives in Olathe with her family.

 

Back to topbutton