Correspondence for Kids

The earlier you can teach appreciation for personal correspondence, the happier you will be that you have given your children the tools to handle (and even perhaps enjoy) this form of communication.  Plus, once they learn to do it on their own, it’s off your to-do list!  Grateful kids are happy kids.  

The Thank You Note

Although some may say a handwritten thank you note is old-fashioned and no longer required, I think it is a nice idea for a child to make the effort for someone who has selected a special gift for him. The note need not involve fancy stationery or lengthy text, but it should personally thank the gift giver and mention the specific gift. Explain to children that receiving thank you notes makes people feel appreciated.

Colored index cards are an economical choice—they already come with lines on one side, and you can purchase a bunch in case mistakes are made. If your child doesn’t write well yet, let him or her dictate what the letter should say. 

Don’t let the passage of time stop you. Sending a note late is better than not sending one at all. Keep your expectations reasonable. Be patient and try not to nag. A child who receives 20 gifts at a birthday party is not likely to get all the notes written immediately. Sometimes our family uses the incentive that kids have to wait to play with or use a gift until the note has been sent. 

The Apology Letter 

Hopefully you won’t have to do too many of these, but learning to write an apology is a good lesson in the event your child is at fault for something. We have had to coach our kids on a few of these to teachers and fellow students at school. I also have been on the receiving end and appreciated it so much. Such letters should be written and delivered as soon as possible. They should be simple and say “I apologize for _____” and “I’m sorry.”  If there is a reasonable remedy or solution, offer that in the letter. Sign it with “Sincerely, (child’s name).”  

Miscellaneous (Sympathy, Thinking of You and RSVPs)

Even very young children can understand that a friend might be sad following the death of a loved one or even a beloved pet. Just letting people know you are thinking about them can provide comfort and help their grieving process. Be sure to include any special memories of the deceased. 

Grandparents and other relatives who don’t live nearby or who don’t get to see your children frequently tend especially to appreciate receiving ‘hard’ copies of a note or children’s artwork. My parents love getting actual photographic prints (not digital!) of the kids. Snail mail correspondence can help teach children the experience of anticipating a reply, something many of us are not familiar with because of instantaneous communication. A simple recitation of daily activities in a child’s language can be a great way to keep in touch and can start a fun pen pal tradition if the recipient replies in kind. 

Even though a handwritten RSVP often isn’t required anymore (the rule of etiquette is to match the RSVP’s formality to the invitation’s if no specific instruction is given), sending one is a nice touch if your child is particularly looking forward to an event. What party-thrower wouldn’t want to receive a note that a guest is looking forward to attending?  If you must decline the invitation, giving a reason is nice, even if that reason is just that you have a conflicting event. 

Laura McEachen is a full-time mommy and part-time attorney. She lives in Overland Park.