Finding Shared Identity in Family Stories
Children crave a sense of identity and belonging. Research reveals the more children know about their family roots, the greater their self-esteem, academic and social competence, resilience and sense of empowerment. Here’s how to dig into these roots, together.
Take the “Do You Know?” Scale
Psychologists from Emory University Dr. Marshall Duke and Dr. Robyn Fivush created a “Do You Know?” scale with 20 family history questions. They administered the scale, along with psychological tests, to four dozen families. Their findings? Performing well on the “Do You Know?” scale overwhelmingly correlated to children’s psychological health.
Why not discuss the “Do You Know” scale over dinner? You can Google the 20 questions—questions like, “Do you know…
- “how your parents met?”
- “the source of your name?”
- “some of the lessons that your parents learned from good or bad experiences?”
Whether your family is biological or adopted, this 20-question scale can be a wonderful springboard for conversations around the dinner table.
Walk In Their Footsteps
In my family of origin, I heard rumors about ancestors who made the voyage to the New World on the Mayflower. I became more intrigued as I grew older, sought my great aunt for genealogy documents and took to the Internet for details. I discovered so much more than the chart to these ancestors, including Revolutionary War heroes, kings, queens, Vikings and family lines stretching back nearly 2,000 years to Roman times!
Equipped with this knowledge, our family headed to Boston last year on a heritage trip. We enjoyed learning about three ancestors in the Revolutionary War along the Freedom Trail, visiting a replica of our Mayflower ancestors’ home in Plymouth, and touring Salem where our 14-generation-old grandmother spent nine months imprisoned as an accused witch. Our history truly came alive through this trip, and we are all pining for more heritage travels.
This spring or summer break, consider traveling to a place that holds special significance to your family history. Walk in the footsteps of your ancestors.
Create a Family Storybook
Create a binder or blog dedicated to your family stories. Gather up photographs. Research and list genealogies. Include traditions from your cultural roots. When you’re at Grandma’s house, interview her and record as many stories as you can capture about her life and the lives of your relatives—perhaps ones you’ve never met. And don’t forget to write down your own life stories.
Our family created an “Ancestor Stories” binder chock-full of stories illustrated by our kids. It has become one of our prized treasures and our go-to book of favorite bedtime stories. From our psychic great-great-grandmother who entertained ghosts, to pioneers in covered wagons traversing the plains of the Midwest, to our Viking ancestor who died in a pit of snakes, these legendary stories bind us together as a family.
Wendy Connelly, M.Div., is a podcaster (MoJo For Moms podcast), life coach and mother of two from Overland Park. You can find Wendy’s latest podcasts, retreats and more at MoJoForMoms.com.
Wendy Connelly, M.DIV.