Foster Care: A local mom shares her story

“Mama…”  She had been softly crying out for the past hour while I rubbed her back and sang to her in a futile attempt to try to get her to relax and sleep. We had only known each other for about two hours, and that knowledge of one another was pretty limited. I knew her name and she knew I was not her mama. Even an endless supply of songs, princess blankets and back rubs couldn’t change that fact.  My heart broke for this little person who couldn’t verbally tell me how she was feeling, but I understood it and felt powerless to do anything to help it. 

In the summer of 2007 I began working full time in the admissions department of a local Kansas City-area foster care agency. In my role, I was one of many workers that spent their days calling homes and locating places for foster children to live. My husband and I met at this agency and shared a desire to become foster parents someday in the future. Five short years later, we were parents to two young children with another on the way. We continued to talk about when the right time might be to pursue becoming foster parents. We recognized that there would never be a perfect time where life was calm enough to bring additional children into our home, and we recognized that there were areas where we could be serving with two (almost three) little ones to care for, as well. 

We have been licensed foster parents for the last two years, and during that time we have had the privilege of welcoming eight additional children, ranging in ages from 1 to 17. Most have been sibling sets, and all have stayed with us for varying lengths of time. We have had children as short as five days and as long as several months. We have worked with our foster children on potty training, job applications and everything in between.

There have been difficult parts in our journey thus far. The most difficult has been not being told what happens once children leave our home. Due to confidentiality laws, we are not provided with updates once a child has left our home. We catch ourselves wondering often about how a case resolved or how a particular child is doing.

Another tough part for us is recognizing our own limitations. With three young children at home, we have to constantly examine how we are capable of helping and making a difference and being realistic about that. We have big dreams for what our experience as foster parents will look like as our children get older, but for now we have to say “no” to more placements than we would like. Thankfully, there are many ways to help—even as busy parents of three little ones.

However, we have felt far more positive impacts. While we are saddened by the circumstances that often bring foster children to our home, we really feel blessed to be a part of their lives, no matter how short their stay may be. People often ask us whether we worry about our biological children as we welcome additional children into our home. Our children are learning how to be compassionate, generous with their time and possessions and will one day understand what it means to stand up for injustices they might encounter in the world.

The most recent statistics available through ChildAlly.org reveal there are more than 7,000 children currently in DCF custody in the state of Kansas alone, and nearly 1,000 children waiting for an adoptive home. These figures represent an all-time high for the state. As of June 2014, there were 2,612 family foster homes in the state of Kansas. These numbers paint a vivid picture of the need for families to willingly open their homes and foster children.

For some people, taking in one or more additional children is simply not a possibility, but many local agencies and churches have ways that people can actively help support foster homes and care for foster children. We have had friends donate clothing, sheet sets, baby furniture and many other items to help when we take a child unexpectedly.

At the end of the day, we are not special people. We have heard people explain to us why they could never be foster parents: They would get too attached, it would be too difficult or they feel like they lack some ingredient to make them a stellar candidate. Let me be perfectly clear. It is hard. We have cried when children have left our home after only knowing them a short time. Our hearts have been broken when we’ve had to say no to taking children that we know are waiting in an office somewhere for a place to sleep that night. We have been frustrated when no matter how much love we show, a child’s behavior does not change. We are an ordinary family that recognizes the need around us and feels compelled to respond. We are doing what we can, with what we have, and hoping that somewhere along the way we can make a difference—even if it is a small one.

*For more information on foster care or how to become a foster parent, visit ChildAlly.org for Kansas or DSS.MO.GOV/cd/fostercare/ for Missouri.

Rachel Boese is stay-at-home mom to three biological children (5, 3, and 1).  She and her husband, Jonathan, raise these three kiddos and welcome new kiddos into their home in Gardner.