From Pampered to Productive

“Mom, I’m ready for you to go clean my room,” stated my 4-year-old princess. Clearly, her Barbie dressing-, block building-packed schedule did not allow time for such menial labor. Whipping my head around expecting to see her smirking at me in a humorous challenge, I was prepared to laugh along with her. Instead, I was met with the indifferent innocence of an entitled and somewhat pampered child. In that moment, for her and my future sanity, I knew it was time to add her name to the refrigerator chore chart and start teaching her the art of responsibility. In today’s society where we hear about the long-term dangers of a prevailing attitude of entitlement, it seems more important than ever that our children know how to accept responsibility and carry out a task to completion simply because it is their job.

Managing a home provides countless opportunities for teaching our children lifelong lessons in personal and community responsibilities. Young children have a natural tendency to want to “help” Mom or Dad.  Take advantage of their willingness and use those teaching moments to help establish expectations early on. Lenexa mom Tammy Lind hopes that by involving her three daughters in the daily tasks of running a home they’ll be more selfless, helpful, kind and responsible. That list of desired character traits may seem exaggerated in comparison to matching socks and dusting shelves, but it’s in the experience of the process where character strengthens. The designated task is simply the means to that end.

Lind says, “The motivation is they can’t have a privilege (iPod, play with friends, etc.) until the chores are finished.” When children learn to serve alongside their siblings and parents to a greater goal, even with something as routine as doing the dishes, they gain a sense of belonging and self-confidence.

Angela Horton of Overland Park uses the team mentality to encourage her twin 11-year-olds toward a more positive attitude in accepting responsibilities at home. “We work together as a team to take care of our home and family members,” she says. “Over the years, we’ve established the expectation that our girls are responsible for their own messes. It’s taken a lot of training and communicating for them to really get it, but even when they complain, I remind them they are important parts of our family in all areas—including care and maintenance of our home.”

It’s rarely too early and it’s never too late to start instilling a sense of responsibility in your kids. Start by taking a close look at your family dynamics, ages, personalities and capabilities, available chores, your personal management style and family’s basic routine. All of these play into the organization and eventual success of your plan. There are as many styles of chore systems as there are families these days. The key ingredient to any plan is that it must work for your family.

If the Smith family posts their monthly color-coded, laminated, magnetic, alphabetical chore chart on their refrigerator and it works for them, fabulous. Unfortunately, that doesn’t necessarily mean it will work for your family. Debbie Bowen’s book From Pampered to Productive: Raising Kids Who Know How to Work offers insights and tips on how she and her husband are raising their 10 children to value hard work. Take the time to do a little research with books like Bowen’s to learn from other’s experiences. Children’s books can be effective tools in opening up conversations with your kids about the importance of helping others and accepting responsibility. Visit Johnson County Library’s website (www.JoCoLibrary.com) to reserve titles like The 7 Habits of Happy Kids by Sean Covey, Max Cleans Up by Rosemary Wells or How Do Dinosaurs Clean Their Rooms? by Jane Yolen.

Jena Meyerpeter writes from Lenexa where folding laundry is a family affair.