Password Police

Social networking. It’s everywhere, and adults and kids alike have fallen prey. With things like e-mail, texting and Facebook, it’s not hard to do. More and more of our children are signing up for their own accounts, typing and receiving e-mails and text messages, “friending” people on Facebook and leaving us with a very important question. Should parents have access to their children’s accounts?

According to some, absolutely. In fact, the state of California is considering passing a Social Networking Bill, which would propose that social media networking sites such as Facebook let parents access their children’s accounts. The bill would force privacy settings to their maximum level by default and allow parents to request that images or text be removed from a social networking site. And here in Missouri, most educators agree, says school counselor Lori Streu of Liberty Academy/Liberty High School.

“The general consensus among educators is that parents should require that they have access to their students’ Facebook and/or email accounts, either by entering the site through their password or being their ‘friend’ (or both),” Streu says. “Of course, parents who have passwords and/or ‘friend’ status still need to monitor the amount of time their child spends online. They should also make sure the computer is in a space in the house that is accessible by all family members. Laptops should not be used in the bedrooms.”

Gladstone mom Jeana Tetzlaff says she believes parents should have access, but they should also be able to trust their children and give them privacy … to an extent.

“My 15-year-old daughter has a school e-mail account, but I don’t have access to that, the school does. It’s limited to other students and we know the school keeps an eye on that, so we don’t worry. We do have access to her phone, but we don’t usually check her messages. She always tells us what’s going on,” Tetzlaff says.

Kansas City mom Mrs. Lee says her three daughters, ages 15, 18 and 21, all now have their own social media accounts, including texting. And as a parent, she has access to all of their accounts.

“There was a time when we didn’t check up on them, and that’s when there was a problem,” she says. “Our youngest was bullied via text messaging and voicemail. We had no idea it was happening until we noticed her losing weight, hating school and withdrawing completely. Being a teacher, I knew something was not right, so I began searching. That was when I saw the texts and heard the voicemails her bullies left for her night after night. From that day on, we changed the way we handled media communication in our home. The older girls didn’t like it, but they know it’s what helped save their sister … along with counseling.”

“Access provides parents a way to monitor not only their child’s online behavior—but also a way to monitor who is connecting with their child. This is a safety measure. It’s helpful to have a glimpse into the life of your teen,” Streu says. “I think it’s also important to occasionally ask them about their status or wall posts. Asking not only shows interest and develops your relationship – it also sends them the message that you really do check on them frequently on Facebook.”

While a lot of kids are already logged on to today’s popular social media sites, what is the appropriate age for a child to have his own account? According to Streu, it depends on the parents.

“Some say junior high or high school, but some elementary schools are giving e-mail accounts to students as young as 5th grade. My feeling is that we’re now living in a digital age and children under the age of 16 have probably always had a computer and other types of technology in their lives. We need to work with our children to help them understand technology and the appropriate ways to use it. This, like many lessons for teens, requires instruction, modeling and monitoring from parents. We can never stop being too vigilant,” she says.

Gina Klein is a writer and photographer who resides in Kansas City.