Raising Girls: Teaching them to be Good Sisters
“It’s another girl!” The ultrasound technician smiled at the blurry revelation of our third child’s gender. As someone raised as an only girl among brothers, I was ecstatic to know my three girls would have something that I always envied in others: sisters. I had spent years pining over that mysterious bond rooted deeper than friendship where giggles, whispers and sharing life seemed to come naturally. Now as the mom of three young girls, I’m learning that raising respectful, loving daughters who also desire to be close friends takes a good measure of intentionality mixed with lots of listening and heaps of love.
One method for fostering close sibling bonds is creating shared experiences. Children can learn a sense of camaraderie with even the most diverse sibling personalities. An age gap of nearly six years between our first and second daughters makes creating shared experiences that are agreeable to all three girls challenging, but not impossible. After dinner games of whiffle ball in the backyard, laundry folding parties while watching a favorite movie and kid-led cookie bakings (kitchen cleanup included!) are a few special experiences our daughters enjoy together.
Leawood mom and grandma Debbie Walker shares her wisdom in raising her three, now grown, daughters: “Teach them to make family fun and exciting with just siblings, and they will grow into the habit of wanting to be together as they grow older. This will give everyone opportunities to learn how to treat others, as well as supporting one another, as friends would, which minimizes sibling rivalry and creates strong bonds that last a lifetime.” Walker also speaks to the idea of creating shared experiences where the joys and adventures of life, even the seemingly mundane tasks, are bonding moments for building future relationships.
Local mom Sarah Wolfswinkel describes a particular shared experience between her 2- and 8-year-old daughters. “Follow the giggles to the clearance aisle at the shoe store. There you’ll see my girls amongst pairs and pairs of too big, too high, high heels walking the fake runway,” she says. “Onlookers see utter chaos. To me it is laughter, it is joy and it is innocent love. To my girls it is shoe heaven, carefree bliss and memories being made. It’s complete happiness for them; to me it is beautiful!”
Think about hobbies your children enjoy or any upcoming events you have on the calendar. How can those be turned into shared experiences for your children? The good news about shared experiences is that you don’t have to always fabricate them, because being intentional about the daily ins and outs of real life are great places to begin. And remember that you’re creating memories that they’ll share for a lifetime.
If I ever had an image of sisters locked hand-in-hand with matching pigtails swinging freely in unison and feet skipping from one blissful moment to the next, it’s been replaced by reality. Of course, we have sweet, lovely moments of sibling unity and cooperation, but the flip side is also true.
In those moments of harsh words, accusations and physical unruliness, I find myself in two battles, both having to do with listening. First, as Mom, I need to really stop and listen to not just the words of the problem, but the hearts of the children involved, as well. Secondly, I need to train my daughters to do the same. Equipping our children to empathize with others, even when they disagree with each other, starts at home. Our daughters tend to use a lot of words, especially when they feel angry, so modeling for them to not speak out of anger and acknowledge the feelings of others is a painstaking process, but one that will prove worthy of every moment in the long run.
Jena Meyerpeter writes and raises her three daughters, 3, 5 and 10, in Lenexa.