Pursuing Popularity

Being a kid in 2013 is nothing short of traumatic. Between wearing the hottest clothes and downloading the hottest music of the moment, kids are in a constant state of instability. Add to that the pressure of trying to be one of the cool kids and you've got a recipe for major anxiety.  Popularity in school is often viewed as a ticket to victory. After all, being the "it" girl or guy in school translates to success and likeability later in life, right?

The truth is, no one really knows. After all, some of the most quiet and "uncool" kids in the world have grown up to be millionaires with thousands of friends. By the same token, being liked by your peers in school certainly delivers a poise and confidence that will come in handy later on in life.

The good news for parents is the very definition of popularity is constantly evolving, and the emphasis on being liked by everyone seems to be losing some of its momentum. Here are five ways that the perception of popularity has changed, and how those changes just might help your children feel more confident in their adolescent years.

Pushing Popularity Creates Pressure

It's normal to want your child to have friends and flourish in school. But if you constantly worry about your child's school fame status, you can bet he's aware of it, and it's stressing him out. It's completely acceptable to ask, "Who would you consider your best friend at school right now?" On the other hand,  it's certainly not okay to ask, "I feel like everyone is friends with that popular boy, Tommy. Why aren't you friends with him?"

Remember, you see only a fraction of your child's social life. That "popular" kid you've heard about could actually be bad news, and your child might instinctively be steering clear of starting a friendship with him. Be aware that your child might actually know what is best for him when it comes to choosing friends. Trying to force a friendship will get you nowhere fast—and might even deter your child from confiding in you later on.

Everyone Views Popularity Differently

You dream of the day your daughter shouts from the top of the cheerleading pyramid while the entire school screams along. Little do you know she dreams of someday discovering a rare insect on the football field, becoming the envy of her two favorite biology classmates. Oh, and she hates pom-poms.

No one person has the same idea of what it means to be popular. The hard truth is your vision of popularity is just that—yours.  So take a step back. Rather than fiendishly tallying the number of friends that your daughter acquires on her first day of kindergarten, focus on developing her confidence and positive self-image instead. If those two qualities are nurtured and grown, she'll have no problem finding the friends she needs later on.

It's Hip to Be Square

Twenty years ago, a skinny boy with good grades and a desire to sing in the school musical would have been a social pariah. But now, thanks to celebrities like Taylor Swift, Zac Efron and the Jonas brothers, those uncool kids of the past are now finding major clout in the school hallways. In fact, nowadays, being a nerd is super cool. The even better news? Kids that are comfortable in their skin and embrace their inner nerd are less likely to give in to peer pressure.

The lesson here is, don't enroll your child in football hoping it will give his popularity points a boost. If he wants to learn guitar, get him some lessons. The happier he is doing what he wants, the more confidence he'll gain throughout his years in school. And confidence is one trait that your child will need to have in spades as he navigates the halls of adolescence.

Social Media Distortion

Remember the days of being allowed to quietly invite one or two friends to your birthday dinner, thus insuring that no other kids would feel left out? Thanks to social media, those days are gone. If your child is left out of a birthday party, she gets to find out by immediately seeing pictures all over the internet. As a parent, it's important you remind your child that occasionally missing an event is completely normal, and it won't be the last time it happens. Be ready to explain that no one person can be invited to every single party. Her lack of an invitation isn't an indication that she's an outcast and there will be plenty of opportunities for future parties down the road. In the meantime, let her plan a sleepover with another friend to distract her from being left out.

Education is Everything

How many times has your child come home talking about the amazing benefits of intolerance, bigotry and chauvinism? Chances are, not at all. Schools across the country are laser focused on teaching children to accept others for what they are, not for how good looking they are or how many friends they have. By giving students the opportunity to look at their fellow classmates through the eyes of curiosity rather than judgment, kids are realizing that it's cool to have friends of all types, rather than just following the lead of one or two bossy friends. The end result? Your child can, and probably already is, striving to be friends with everyone.

The most important thing to remember when it comes to your child's social life is this: Your child needs your support. Every child will have ups and downs in his social life, so it is up to you to be the one constant for him to rely on. Let your kids know that no matter how many friends they gain or lose, you will always be there when they need you. In your home, they will always be popular.