Texting, Tweeting and Friending, Oh My!

Huh? What language are we speaking here? The world our kids live in bears little or no resemblance to the one we grew up in. The days of communicating by full sentences and land lines are long gone for teenagers. Rather than fight it—and believe me, I have—we might as well deal with it.

Even though we may not understand it, we need to be a part of our kids' social media worlds. Rather than throw your hands up, here are some tips to help you navigate through this whole new world.

Age is only a number

When deciding when your kids should get phones and open social media accounts, the main factors should be maturity and responsibility. Does your child still show signs of immature behavior and make bad decisions repeatedly? Handing over a smartphone might only make things worse. However, there is nothing wrong with dangling that proverbial carrot. When behavior and maturity, as well as trust, are in the right place, the time has arrived to give your child access to such devices. 

Set limits

Teens today average up to 6-8 hours a day of screen time. That means TV, phones, internet, smartphones, iPads/Touches, etc. Kids need downtime and time to just be kids. Limit their technology use at night, even asking kids to hand devices over at a certain time. A recent study showed that kids who have cell phones turned on or placed on their night stands have disrupted sleep. And we all know how kids behave when they don't get good sleep. Getting them outside with some fresh air and regular exercise will help them get good Z’s as well. Check out www.WebMD.com/Parenting/Raising-Fit-Kids for some good advice.

Let the rules be known

Call them guidelines, restrictions, codes, whatever you want. Regardless, kids need 'em. Here are some ideas:

• Homework first, before any screen time.
• No texting/TV during meals.
• They aren't to give out their real names or home address on the net.
• Don't select the Remember Me box on public computers.
• No downloading apps for iPhone/iTouch/iPad without parental permission. One way to safeguard against this is to not let them have their own Apple IDs. Sure, it will be a pain, but at least you will have peace of mind.
• Respect the privacy of others. No tagging people in pictures or posting pics without their permission.

Log in and often

Do random checks of their devices to make sure they are following the rules; don't just assume they are. Kids will be kids. This also means either setting up your own accounts in Facebook, Instagram,Twitter, etc., and following your child's accounts or using their login and password to take a look around. This isn't spying. This is parenting.

Talk, talk, then talk some more

Communicating with your kids is vital in this stage of their lives. They need to understand good communication skills, and this will only happen if you keep them talking. Also, give them your expectations of their online code of conduct: posting only responsible content, no inappropriate pictures, no criticizing others, no bullying, etc. Having an open line of communication about their social media lives is critical to their safety. Go over the privacy settings with them on their accounts and why they are important. Give them your expectations of their online behavior and what the consequences will be if they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.

Educate yourself

Investigate what you don’t understand. For example, if your child wants an Instagram account, research it. Find out what it is before you say yes. Don’t bury your head in the sand when it comes to technology. Kids need their parents to help them make good decisions. And that means getting, and staying, educated.

Having healthy and safe kids requires more than making them wear bike helmets and eat vegetables. What and how much they do online can have unhealthy ramifications if not kept in check. There are some shocking statistics out there that show that parents may not be aware of what their kids are up to and the ramifications of the techno-savvy life they lead.

If all of it gets too complicated or too overwhelming, you still have one lifeline left: the ability to say no. Take control and give your kids what they need, not what they want. After all, we are still the parents.

Hallie Sawyer lives in Overland Park and  is a freelance writing mom of a child who is the last middle schooler on Earth to get a cell phone.