Stay Safe from Social Media Gossip

Shared whispers and notes in the hallway? That’s so yesterday. Today’s gossip is intense as it snakes quickly through social media. The impact is immediate and, for the victims, often devastating. How do we teach kids to communicate in a thoughtful way and protect themselves, too?

Strike a balance. Social media is a wonderful networking tool for kids. They can connect with friends, discuss homework, work on projects, organize clubs and deepen their friendships. Complement social media use by getting your child involved in organizations and activities that help nurture her sense of self-worth, confidence and face-to-face social skills.

Follow the rules. To reinforce how serious you are about your child’s conducting himself with integrity online, don’t allow him to lie about his age. Many social media platforms like Facebook require a minimum age of 13, in accordance with the Children’s Online Privacy Protection

Act. Through this law, companies that target children younger than 13 are under increased government regulation.

Set boundaries. Social media use is a privilege that comes with responsibilities. Establish consequences if your child abuses that privilege. Decide when and where she can log into her accounts. Time limits are also important, says Sarah Manriquez, LCSW, the Family Conservancy.

“That’s important for brain development and physical activity,” Manriquez says. “When kids spend so much time connecting through social media, they lack the skills to fully connect with people and have reciprocal communication with them.”

Consider creating “no-tech zones” in your home, like around the dinner table, where homework is completed or at bedtime. Put the computer in a central location of your home. Shut down your wireless at night or have your kids turn in their smartphones at a designated time each evening.

Educate yourself. “Be aware of what’s out there, whether you want to get actively involved in your own Facebook page or not,” says safety expert Tracey Hawkins, owner of Safety and Security Source in Kansas City. “Get on those websites, see what they’re about and get an idea of what the kids are seeing so you can combat it. You can’t fight what you don’t know.”

Role model. By getting on social media yourself, you can role model how to use it in a responsible way. But avoid using social media to humiliate or teach your child lessons. You may mean well, but this strategy can backfire, teaching kids that social media is an acceptable forum for backlash.

Monitor activity. Even if your children are considerably more tech savvy than you, they still require parental guidance. Have access to all of your child’s accounts and passwords, and routinely check text messages and social media account activity. Use errors of judgment as opportunities to discuss and problem solve.

“Don’t be afraid to look since you are only trying to protect your children. Their safety is your responsibility. If there is something they are afraid to show you, it is probably something you need to be aware of,” says Detective Brian Karlstrand, Western Missouri Cyber Crimes Task Force, Gladstone Police Department.

Predators generate fake profiles to connect with children. Go through your child’s friend list to make sure she knows everyone on it. Also, discourage your child from using sites and apps that allow for anonymity, which can create an environment ripe for abusive behavior among participants.

Talk...a lot. Open, honest communication is your best ally to protect your kids and to help them learn to be thoughtful communicators. Use opportunities like driving in the car, TV programs or dinnertime to discuss stories about kids’ dealing with social media troubles.

“Kids respond better when you don’t directly ask them (about their behavior),” Manriquez says. “They get freaked out. They don’t want to out themselves or their friends. When you can talk about issues in a roundabout way using scenarios already seen in the media, it takes the pressure off of them and they are more open to talking about it.”  Think before you post. Teens are impulsive by nature, and social media offers the instant gratification they crave. Stress the importance of empathy toward others. Also, make them aware that taunting someone online can get them into hot water at school and legally.

“Parents can ask their kids: ‘Before you post something on social media, would you want me to look at it first?’” Hawkins says. “If the answer is no, then they should think twice about putting it on there.”

Guard privacy. As a rule, your kids should never share their passwords with friends or significant others, even if they say they completely trust them. Remind them to log out of their accounts if they use another person’s device.

Uh-oh. Now what? If your child is attacked, shut down her account. Avoid retaliation which can amplify gossip. Also, block that person from your child’s electronic device. Support your child and encourage her to lean on close, trustworthy friends.

Report abusive behavior to the school and/or the other child’s parents. You can also contact the police. “Online stalking or harassment can become a criminal issue when the child actually feels scared or threatened,” Karlstrand says.

If your child is a victim of bullying, harassment or child enticement, preserve the evidence and contact your local law enforcement. Additional resources include www.NetSmartz.com, www.KidsHealth.org and www.ThatsNotCool.com.

Freelance journalist and author Christa Melnyk Hines resides with her family in Olathe. Her latest book is, Happy, Healthy & Hyperconnected: Raise a Thoughtful Communicator in a Digital WorldConnect with her at www.ChristaMelnykHines.com.